bluegreen

testttt

2011-05-05T18:45:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

heeeeee
I'm blogging from my bb...

^^

Just testing. Plus I've put away my lappy so that I can focus on studying for my internals which is like only a month away! But I'm permitting myself to use dear lappy on holiday evenings ^^

N yeah I can still go online thru this bb but still I won't be able to do much. And I don't think I'll be blogging thru this that often coz even now, my thumbs are like super tired alreadyyyy!

Ok till next time

Wassalam..bye!

p/s: sorry...I'm just this kind of a person. -.-

like

2011-04-05T09:16:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

I like this theme. But its not that convenient. Other blogs have something like "Older posts" "Newer posts" at the bottom of the page. Mine doesn't. I don't want to change to another theme because
1. I like this theme. yeah i know i've said it already.
2. it's to tiring to go hunt for a new one.
3. my HTML is rusty.
4. I don't have time to anyway.

I have to finish writing Brothers by today and put my mind at ease. Then STUDY! 2nd internals is like less than 2 months away! I don't want to fail anymore...

HWAITING!

wassalam...bye!

Dreams are capable of making you fly, but actions are the wings to make that happen.

p/s: my body is protesting to this depression. depression wins against EPO.

nobody

2011-04-01T00:53:00.000+08:00

and the highlight is,

nobody cares.

posteng

2011-03-31T22:20:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

It's a convergence of a sentence into one word. I think it's cool. My friend Mira invented it. It simply means

Ponteng posting.

Because Mira is simply the queen of posteng. Well, lately my roomate is competing for that position tho.

I've been doing a lot of postengs my self lately. I don't know what I have against orthopedics but I just don't like it. I might even hate it. So there.

You know what, I have complexity problems. I think I think too much. And the best part is, I don't know how to share my thoughts with people. Hence my head is so warped, I become this evil person inside while struggling to keep those monsters from emerging.

I kind of hate myself. Which is not good. Cause if even you yourself hate your very being, then how the hell will other people like you?

I'm currently watching Grey's Anatomy. Yeah I know despite the fact that it has too many inappropriate scenes, I like it. Because now that I've learned a lil bit deeper into this tiring medical field, I kind of understand what they're doing. Oh crap my english is crap. W.

But one thing's for sure, I don't think I want to be a surgeon. It's too tough. And I'm too tired of all this. Medic is tough.

And I have to go.

I really have to update Brothers and put my mind at ease so that i can do some serious studying.

Orthopedics sucks. Today I heard a sound equivalent of bones snapping. Actually they were aligning the radius and ulna bone of a kid but still, the sounds are like those they used in movies for when bones are broken. I was weak kneed afterwards.

Oh and that's another factor why I'm not big on being a surgeon. I can't stand seeing people in pain. Today, I caused the whole OT to look at me twice when i let out gasps as if I was the one in pain. So no. As of now, I'm not going to be a surgeon. I think I 'll just open up a clinic and practice medicine peacefully there.

wassalam..bye

p/s: Nadiah asked me advice on studies. I miss her.

stop

2011-03-31T21:54:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

stop thinking that you're so good
stop being too touchy
stop playing around
stop doing stupid things
stop being too emotional
stop being so weak
stop talking
stop making people wait
stop lying to yourself
stop being so hateful
stop
just stop whatever you're doing, whatever you are, and whatever you're going to do

p/s: i know i sound crazy. i'm trying to live.

paeditrics

2011-03-13T00:39:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

I'm just gonna post something I promised tikah.

At the moment, I'm kinda freaking out about paediatrics postings which I'll have its end posting exams on Tuesday and I think I know only 30% of what paediatrics is about. gyaaaann~!

And currently I'm copying the second case of a total of 10 cases, each worth 5 pages of that long book.

So yeah.

Wassalam..bye!

All night, a man called “Allah”
Until his lips were bleeding.
Then the Devil said, “Hey! Mr Gullible!
How comes you’ve been calling all night
And never once heard Allah say, “Here, I am”?
You call out so earnestly and, in reply, what?
I’ll tell you what. Nothing!”

The man suddenly felt empty and abandoned.
Depressed, he threw himself on the ground
And fell into a deep sleep.
In a dream, he met Abraham, who asked,
“Why are you regretting praising Allah?”

The man said, “I called and called
But Allah never replied, “Here I am.”
Abraham explained, “Allah has said,
“Your calling my name is My reply.
Your longing for Me is My message to you.
All your attempts to reach Me
Are in reality My attempts to reach you.
Your fear and love are a noose to catch Me.
In the silence surrounding every call of “Allah”
Waits a thousand replies of “Here I am.”

p/s: Japan earthquake was terrible.

palpitations

2011-02-18T23:45:00.001+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone.

20:44 i'm having palpitations and tremors. again. it's the tropical iceberg with chocolate sauce. again.

20:45 I don't like it when I ask something and people ignore it.

20:45 I don't like to show people that I'm hurt. It's killing my heart.

20:46 When people hurt my feelings while I'm having palpitation attacks like this one, my heart feels like dying.

20:47 Baek tules kat sini je. Kat sini mmg xde org patut balas. So x dilayan is normal and painless.

20:48 Sometimes I feel like I'm always sacrificing my small heart. Go on. Hurt me.

20:49 I'm not claiming to be good. I know I'm not. But no matter how hurt I am, I just can't hurt you back. And I can't stop caring for you and loving you.

20:49 You give your love too freely. That's why you're always hurt. T_T

20:50 Stop it. Accept people. Accept people till you're not hurt with whatever they do to you because you've already understood that that's just who they are.

20:52 Be more forgiving. With your whole heart.

20:53 sedih dah takboleh minum tropical iceberg with chocolate sauce.

20:53 posting peads bosan. Sit idly for 1.5 hours baru prof masuk. trime kasih.

20:54 I'm no fun.

20:54 I so have lo self-esteem

20:54 Nak call ummi tapi nnt sedih.

20:55 Ummi, doakan mayam umo panjang....

20:56 rase nak nanges.

20:56 ok da nanges dah pon. homesick.

20:56 sume salah tropical iceberg with chocolate sauce.

20:57 bace status kakak kat fb pasla nabilah and huda. rindu diorg. rindu rumah. rindu kasih sayang kat rumah.

20:57 ye saye budak manje.

20:59 I wonder if people love me the way I love them.

21:00 I miss you chah.

21:00 You know, I always wish that my teddy bear Kyo is you.

end

2011-02-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone..

10:19 bunked 8 o'clock class and first day of pediatrics postings. /bad student

10:20 I've hit a dead end. Well..not really. I just dont know how to proceed.

10:21 hope it's not our turn for forensic lab today.

10:22 I wanna make it tragic. A bit.

10:22 Leader's just not that kind of person! He's just too cool! Grrhh!

10:23 wanna go download SS501 old songs at soribada. My music card is about to expire.

10:30 asyik je malas jage fishiys. air da keruh. dah pukul 10.30 xbg mkn lg. /bad master

10:37 jobless. /like how tempe likes to say.

10:37 kecikkan sume window sbb nk tgk rslide show background. /fangirlitis

10:38 Cause I'm sho crajzee for youu~~

10:41 ikhlaskan hati.

10:42 kne bace balik all those facts gathered last nite and continue writing.

10:42 or should I gather more facts? /decisions decisions

10:47 can't wait for May. I think he's gonna be so DAEBAK!

10:48 I think I'm gonna have to reorganize my ipod sometime.

13:36 I never knew it takes a lot of time just to imagine.

19:35 One of the ways to feel happy is by making someone else happy. ^^v

23:23 just write. it'll come. =)

what

2011-02-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

bimillah and assalamualaikum everyone.

19:26 ttbe teringat the last entry was titled dermat but i didn't write anything about dermat. We had our dermatology end posting exams yesterday. And because I got to know that the total marks was just 2 marks, yes TWO marks only, I didn't study that hard. Haha. But alhamdulillah I still got to answer the questions the rpof asked. They only asked us on three topics only so there wasn't that much stress to read everything.

19:29 tomorrow I'm supposed to start Pediatrics posting. I don't know where it'll be. I mean I dunno which hospital. Have to ask Medha tonite.

19:30 today I went to Achik, Nad, and Lei's house warming party. They made nasik minyak for abt 100 guests! hebat!

19:30 this is not my writing brain working. It's so...rubbishy.

19:31 must do more research to get ideas.

19:32 eeee murahan betul la airasia nih

20:41 i don't like making decisions

22:49 When you adore someone or something so much, everything about them is just the best.

dermat

2011-02-15T23:30:00.001+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone

21:14 i'm so tired. you know why? because pharmac lab ended 30minutes late and we spent the past 2 hours standing! excuse me, but we dont have brains like yours so when we get so tired of standing till we're on the verge of fainting, do you think we can still accommodate whatever you're teaching? please think.

21:18 research.

21:18 Brothers. My first attempt ever.

21:28 dunno how to continue. TT_TT

21:55 yes I'm grouchy when I wake up.

22:30 tolong rajin pkai retainer please.

today

2011-02-13T04:00:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

day 2 of trial.

07:21 i dreamt a tokyo dogs like dream. i stumbled into their lair and was held captive cos they thot i was a spy n they're about to make this huuuuuge deal. I was hidden in the car with the boss's girl (yes she looks like that girl in tokyo dogs which i forgot her name) who was always nice to me. Suddenly they were shooting at each other n this boss's girl skillfully maneuvered the car here n there but eventually she got shot! And now its morning, my family camt to collect the unconscious me who suddenly wakes up to the alarm clock on my phone and heads off to get ready for subuh prayers :p

07:22 I think that dream was cool. :p

08:42 seriously i want to study seriously.

08:42 sudah tu dgn wishful thinking. cpt mkn vitamin n pegi posting dermat bosan.

08:43 ginkgo dah habes! tp ade botol baru :D

08:45 i swallow 5 tablets a day and chew 1 tablet every other day (if i remember). I'm not a health freak. :)

08:46 honestly, i really hope someone will tell me what they think of this kind of entries. *silently begging*

16:56 rase mcm xnk suke doubleS dah.

18:30 tempe konon je respect professors berdiri2 bile dorg lalu tp dlm kelas kongaja gle kot. kurang ajaaaa! kesian prof tuh dah lah english prof tuh understandable and i think he has breathing problems asyik je mcm semput tp still nk mengaja lagi. kurang aja kan kau tempe!

22:17 i dont like to be kept in the dark

23:40 dah comment kat fic baru hami yg daebak!

23:41 tak study lagiii! dah nk kol 12 la pandaiy!

try

2011-02-12T00:34:00.001+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum..

ok i'm gonna try this. Instead of spamming people's timeline with my annoying crap, I'll post them all here. Ugh why didn't I do this before? But everything will be just so random. And no explainations. Oh heck. Its a trial anyways. Let's see how I feel about it once I've done a few. (yes I know I'm weird.)

(UTC+05:30) Chennai, Kolkata, Mumbai, New Delhi

21:05 just came back from sargam with the lot. cheese stuffed nan and paneer satay! yumm!

21:06 paneer makan orang. LOL.

21:10 I don't remember birthdays. I just dont.

21:11 Its cold and too dry my arms n legs look like they have dandruffs. And you get static shocks if you wear baju kurung.

21:16 been reading hami's fics since evening. she's super talented in wrting. i wish she'd write a piece on our boys.

21:17 still malas blaja wlpn da abes drama n nk exam lg 4 hari. pandai.

21:19

elovera

21:19
mcm gedik x wat cmni?

21:20

ah sukati. this is my personal space. thats why its crapy.

21:21

just one more fic then i'll go smyg and study dermat! yaksok!

21:22

rajiv gandi, please dont kill their hearts.

21:23 skin amyloidosis is super ugly when skin is too dry. *chops off legs*

21:34 oh puhlease. forgot it already! ok so myb i dont know him like you do and ive never had a boyfriend but oi, have you heard of the phrase "move on" or "get a life"?

21:40 dah habes bc fic tuh. kne pegi smyg n blaja. *buat2 tido*

21:42 because im not a cassie.

21:44 oh rupenye tgl lg satu je fic hami yg xterbace lg. ok so pasni boleh study dgn aman? pfft kau.

21:45 i never like couple2 people who tells the world of their feelings n stories n memories n their cheesyness. yes i detest cheesyness.

22:03 da ngantok. will sleep after isya'. *punches head for not studying*

22:09 aah rase nak unfollow sbb asyik je tweet psl boyfriend. sorry.

22:10 must remember to close blogspot tab last in case something comes up and i just have to type it out.

22:11 they're serious. they're getting married. i couldn't believe it.

22:11 i'm worried of you. worried what'll happen after a few years. i dont want anything bad to happen to you.

22:12 when will i get married? *drowns self in toilet for asking such questions*

22:14 rindu anis n mel tp segan nk ckp byk kali. sape la aku ni.

22:33 15th feb. end posting exam. (Y_Y) new internet bill cycle starts. (^_^)

22:47 kat lua ni ade org gaduh2. hoi india! aku nak tido!

22:49 must remember to tell anis abt soribada project after 15th!

22:53 coffee day AC burnt n chemical-smelling fumes filled the whole room. *ran out and coughed till hemoptysis*

23:01 dah pukul sebelas. klau tido skrg sile bangun pukul 5 ye mayam.

23:02 i hate it when i forget things so easily and my mind refuses to retrieve that memory.

23:03 my memory is getting poorer and poorer. must start hafaz quran again to increase memorising power or else dont become a doctor!

23:07 study a bit before you sleep. u always tell me that.

pray

2011-02-11T19:24:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

I need someone to lean on. Even if I'm not the kind of person who easily opens up to people, I'm hoping I'd find someone that I could spill out every little feelings within me and every small thoughts that crosses my mind without judging me afterwards. It's not healthy to bottle them up. My friend said these kind of people die early.

Oh Allah, please let me find someone like that. Sometimes I feel like dying when what i desperately need is just someone to lean on. Someone to hear out what's bothering my mind even if its insignificant. And to tell me don't think too much. Make me feel better again. And someone who could see through my smiles laughs and jokes that actually, I'm a sad lonely hurting person inside.

Now I realise, this has been my dearest wish since I left home.

wassalam..bye

p/s: I have spelling disorder. I've googled my symptoms. But only mild type.

emo

2011-02-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

I'm back in negara busukkk! yeap we flew on 23rd Jan. I caused too many problems on that day tho.

ok.. seriously i really had this blogging mood just before i went down to dinner. But now I dunno why it simply vanishes! Well, once, I did think that I can think better when my stomach's not that full or hungry. Now, I'm full sentences can't form themselves. Even what I'm writing now looks like crap!

So i shall stop now. This must be the shortest stupidest blog entry I've ever made.

wassalam..bye!

p/s: I'm so bored.

home

2011-01-08T22:35:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

I'm back in malaysia!

gyabo...the new blogger is kinda convenient but somehow I can't get my font to be as per usual... grrr.. whatever...

hmm..alhamdulillah I arrived in Malaysia safely with only 15 minutes left of the year 2010. As I was pulling out my 9kg cabin bag, the pilot wished us a happy new year.

I think I don't want to reflect on how 2010 has been for me cos honestly, there's not much that happened. Okay, that's a bit unwise. Not reflecting on the past to move to the future. But I'm just not in that scope of mood right now. I'll do that....later. :p

oh alhamdulillah, I only encountered one slight hiccup during check-in at the worst airport I've ever been, namely Bangalore Airport. Well, I'm not sure if the whole staff of the airport sucks, but those at the airasia counter do. Ok maybe other airports weigh hand luggages unlike Malaysia, but don't you think it's a bit too much to weigh laptop bags too? Grrr...what ever! I cheated them though. :D I ran away with my hand luggage when that thug like guy told me to transfer some of my luggage's weight to my friend's. Muahahaha..

The day before our departure to beloved Malaysia, the 9 of us reached Bangalore around 7p.m. Poor Faris seemed shy and lonely being with us 8 girls. He even wanted to have dinner alone but we persuaded him not to. We had dinner at Indie Jones.

Then we went to Mantri Mall where we split up into 2 groups. Me, Keon and Faris went shopping. Ummi, Mira, Hami, Fira, Jaz [[after a rendezvous with Abdul..pffftt]] went to watch some movie. Oh n Jee met up with her friend earlier.

I didn't realize I had so much shopping to do! Oh the fact that I didn't get to pick up the dresses for my sisters back in Davangere also didn't help shortening the list of things-to-buy. Now I had to buy them new dresses cos going back without anything for them feels not right. And there were things to buy for the rest of the expanded family too. Huhu. Shops were already closing as it was near n over 10p.m so we had to continue our shopping with the little time we have the next day.

Next day, me and Keon started off a bit later than the others so we ended up going to MG road together. We met Faris there who wanted to join us for brunch and helped him shop for shawls after wards. Then me and Keon went for some high speed shopping and thankfully we managed to buy all the things we needed! Alhamdulilllah.. I dont like the feeling of coming home without bringing anything. Even when I'm at home, when I go out with my friends, I'll feel the need to buy something for those at home. Maybe because I have so many younger siblings.

A hundred calls from the cabs and much hassle later, we were all safely heading to bangalore airport. Oh we met Farid(atul elham), Onie, and their housemate Mei at the airport from Mysore.

Jet lag and all, the next day I went to Jusco Bukit Bintang with my sisters. Watched Narnia and the dawn treader. It's the last sequel I think. huhu. Oh and I nearly went crazy when I saw the face shop! LOL I even nearly bought something! All because of hyunjoong. :p

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows was awesommmmme!! Maybe because It was split into 2 parts, or the director is simply excellent, for the first time after Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter movie wasn't a let down to me! It truly followed the book! Well, of course there were alterations here and there but the facts weren't changed! Love it! I'm glad we went to watch it and it was the last day screening too. I went with Hami and Keon. :) and that day was funny because of Hami! First she made this super funny muke batak at Kenny Rogers when I taught her how to tweet pics.. Then, when we were watching Harry Potter, she cried at a place where nobody else cried! When Ron left Harry and Hermione, she was saying to me "sedih~" and a few seconds later, she was sobbing till the person next to her looked at her weirdly! She sobbed even harder when Dobby died though. But that's accepted cos someone died. :p

Oh the day before I went to Times Square and Lowyatt with Hami and Deeb [[if i spell or pronounce her name as Dib, I'll always sing Dejavu immediately afterwards.]]. We baught kpop stuffs at a shop called my star or sth at Times Square. I dont want to say this, but I spent like 300 ringgit there! And I spetn like 200 ringgit more at lowyatt buying stuffs for my iPod. pffft Seriously need to save!!

OK I think I wanna stop now. Can't wait to do some trending tomorrow! #5foreveras1

wassalam..

p/s: I'm rewatching Playful Kiss for the idunnohowmanytimes now. Because my sis is watching it, I'm simply accompanying her. :p The best thing was, my sister cried at the end of episode 1 because she can't accept the fact that HyunJoong had to pair with such an ugly girl! LOL! daebak kakak! hahahahaah

comfy

2010-12-28T10:14:00.001+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone..

My end posting exams are over last Saturday, and yes it was on christmas. Me and Medha took case of a patient with a pleural effusion. Oh yeah, he also had TB. [[remind me to get booster shots when i get back to Malaysia]] It wasn't hard to take the case 'cause we already took, and had a lesson on pleural effusion before so we know how to take the case and do the examinations properly. But during viva, I was too scared and nervous I ended up not answering most of the questions. And to top it off, I paired up with this Medha who was a Distinction student. So even if the prof asked us super tough questions, she'd be able to answer it. So I looked like a pile of crap there. hyuu~ note to self, next time, dont ever pair with any genius kids.

Oh whatever! I'm glad it's over tho. Since we're all going back on the same flight, we all had to wait till each and everyone of us has had their end-posting exams. And I was one of the earliest to have my end-postings so I'm happily wasting my time being cocooned in my comforter watching dramas or variety shows on my lappy [after borrowing like 3 external hard drives] while other people wrestle with their guilt of not studying :p

It's a super comfy n euphoric feeling to be in this hostel without the guilt of not studying when I'm supposed to. Because right now, my lessons are over, exams are over, next term will start afresh. Of course being at home is more comfy and blissful, but that is expected rite? Here, I'm supposed to study till I drop, but when I don't have to, it just gives this different feeling you know? Okay, forget it.

Ok, I'm off to ~~indulge~~ engulf myself in my comfy comforter and have a short nap before going downstairs for breakfast. [[Usually, those short naps are like 15 minutes long..Now, I'm doubling it.. If breakfast is served till ten, I'd have sleep longer tho :p ]]

wassalam..bye! ^^

p/s: oh n i forgot to note that, its the winter season now. And in the morning, the temperature can be as low as 11 deg C. And even in the afternoon and evening, I think it barely passes 20. So yeah, it makes things 10X comfier to just sit in those comforters and do nothing instead of shivering off somewhere with a book to your nose.

self

2010-12-28T09:52:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone..

hmm..I'd just like to say that, honestly, I'm not like other people when I created this blog. Ok fine I don't know why other people created a blog, but I think most of them did so that people could read whatever it is they'd want to say or express. And I'd be lying if I said I don't want anyone to read my blog. It's just that, I think I'm the kind of person who doesn't like people to know me completely. I feel so vulnerable. To what, I don't know particularly but I just don't like it.

So that's why, maybe, I prefer it if my readers don't know me personally. So that they can comment on what ever crap I put up without being biased or something. Without judging me the next day by what I've wrote. Hmm..I dunno if my use of words are correct but that's what I feel. And of course I don't know if I even have such readers but I don't care really. Cause I blog, first, for myself, then, others.

Of course I dont mind it if you, whom I know personally, reads my blog. I must have told you myself or you must have stumbled upon it. On those conditions, I don't mind at all. I just don't like it if you tell other people, who also know me, about my blog. Because, it's not like I have anything beneficial to the human kind or something. It's just a place where I dump all the things I'd like to remember in the future, or things that I can't express besides writing it out.

In a way, maybe I trust you, those who know this blog, to see that this, what you read, is the real me. I choose to be vulnerable in front of you.

wassalam..bye

p/s: I'm not totally angry ok. Just...bugged. Oh and you can call me a hypocrite or W, I don't care. I know what I am and Allah knows who I am. That's all that matters.

over

2010-12-28T09:23:00.000+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone,

alhamdulillah.. my first internals for 2nd yr mbbs are over! I don't know if I did well in both theory n practicals but the aftermath of practicals were less depressing than that of theory..

Im not trying to brag or anything, but now I finally know my style of studying.. Like, I know what to do, where to do it n how to do it.. Studying I mean.. But of course this has yet to be proven by the internals results.. ngehee :p

I've been studying at the mess hall a lot, like a week or more before exams.. It takes me away from my room filled with time wasting temptations. Its not too comfy or too quite to induce sleep.. n there're people around so its not so boring even tho I dont talk to them. I only talk to Keon n Mira cos we're sitting at the same table. But when I see other people focusing on their studies, I'll feel ashamed and stop day dreaming n continue studying.. Oh n I also find the lobby a good place to memorise stuffs especially in the morning when there's not many people around, I can talk aloud to myself.. It improves viva skills as well.. ^^

Im coming to love my iPod more by the day.. especially recently, my external hard drive fell with a deafening crash from the window sill.. the usb wire got caught on the arm rest of my chair n when I moved the chair..crash! Seriously it was loud.. It had happened before but it survived.. But this time when I connected it to my lappy, it dosent detect the drives!! So ape lagi..menanges la kite! Really, the rate at which i was crying was like equivalent to learning that someone had died! My eyes were all bengkak the next day.. Of course on the day itself I was completely hideous.. [[One of the many reasons I dont cry in front of people.. -___- ]]I cried so hard I had a massive headache! It happened like 4 sth in the evening n I cried myself to sleep around 6 to 10.30 under anis' order cause I have exams the next day.. when I woke up, it hit me again that all the things I've ever had are gone [[i saved everything in there..nothing's in my lappy ok]].. And the tears flow again... My headache got worse to the extent that my gums n teeth were throbbing.. Sleep was impossible! I absolutely can't walk around the hostel searching for analgesics with a face looking like a squishy over ripe fruit with blood shot eyes.. So no choice but to force myself to sleep, headache and all... And that's when a wonderful thing called friend appears.. Anis brought paracetamols which she had to look for first! And made sure I ate it rite after the last crumbs of biscuits, as I didnt have any dinner.. She tried connecting the drive herself n trengtengteeeenng~ my lappy detected the drives! So I can sleep peacefully n study with spirit the next day ^^ kumawo anis~!

However, the happiness didnt last long.. Next evening I when I was using some files in the external it suddenly diconnected! And from then on it wont be detected at all... I'll just try to remain calm, forget about it, and hope for the best. So Im leaving it be.. Even my dad told me not to do anything. Just wait a while longer and bring it home and he'll see what he can do. Abah, I'm counting on you! ^^

oh about my iPod. So since I don't have my external hard drive filled with pretty much everything I'd work on/look at in my free time, my iPod is my only source of entertainment now.. huhu. Well of course I still have my lappy with internet and all but there's just not much to do. Like I said on my fb, my external hard drive is my lappy's brain, internet connection is its heart. therefore, i'm officially declaring that my lappy is brain dead..or at least in a coma. hyuu~

And back then, since it was the exam week, I didn't n couldn't open my lappy so whenever I have sth to blog abt, I'd write it on a note on my iPod. So actually, for this entry I've been referring to the notes i jot down on my iPod. ^^

Oh last Thursday our internals officially ended, the next day I went to the hospital for clinical postings as usual. And when my unit mates asked the professor abt when our end-posting exams r gonna be, he said tomorrow! And we were like, tomorrow is christmas holiday! And there's this one prof who was with our prof said,
"Are any of you christians?"
*shakes head*
"Then there's no problem if you have exams tomorrow since you don't celebrate it"
-____-"

Naofal even tried to come up with some excuse like, oh the hostel will be too noisy with ppl celebrating and all so we cant study, but that other prof talked him down. So yeah we had exams on a public holiday.

wassalam..bye

p/s: I wrote this over several days already and I still think I'm kind of not finished with it yet but I dont have the mood any more so I'll just post it as it is... hurh

vent

2010-11-20T20:50:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

I just noticed, my previous post was also a bit of an angry or complainy type.

Can I make this blog a place to vent out my inner frustrations that I'm so weak at sharing with people? Because I do feel relatively better once I've wrote it all out out here. Well not all if you notice. I never mention names and I think I never really told the whole sequence of events.

But it just goes against my initial point of creating a blog. I created a blog to document my life so that I'll always know what I was like before. And writing out entries of anger and frustrations kind of pictures my life as an unhappy one whilst I'm pretty sure it's quite the opposite. It's not all sunshines and rainbows all the time but it's quite.....ok, I guess.

phew..I think I'm spewing out craps here. Better go tackle the humongous amount of homework I've procrastinated for a week already.

Will try to write more of normal life's insyaAllah.

wassalam

p/s: are two posts in a day allowed? W. It's my blog.

limit

2010-11-20T20:08:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum

everyone is different.. if you don't care, that doesn't mean others wont too.

You've pranked someone a whole lot worse than this, and that person was okay with it, so what? Is that person the same one as this one? Does that give you license to prank some other people as well?
You've never been pranked yourself and you confidently say you'll take it with a smile.. pfft... How do you know?

"If this was to happen to me, then I'd cry too."
"I think those who cry x sporting."

Ok~~~~~ thanks for throwing it right to my face.

But guess what my friend, I'd rather be called x sporting than make someone's day like hell.
There's a limit to someone's tolerance and patience.. So don't be surprised and get annoyed if people get mad at you because you went over the top okay.

I regret the fact that I participated in this whole prank thing and please believe me I did so unwillingly. biane~

Next time for sure, I'll stand by my principle. I shall strongly say no to doing pranks that is way beyond a normal person's limit. Because one of the not so many essence of bluegreen is, I wont do something I don't like people doing to me. [insyaAllah]

wassalam

p/s: suddenly my exams are in 2 weeks time! gyabo! benkyo2!

nice

2010-11-19T02:52:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

Before anything, I'd just like to document that I bought a new gadget. It arrived last Saturday, and since then, I've been tinkering with it and neglecting my studies.. pfft

Its 12.25 am and I plan to start revising for my 1st internals by 12.30 am. I got 5 minutes! ahaha impossible ne? And since I'm already sleepy, my entry will be extra crappier than usual so just bear with or leave it.

Some people may not be good in following religious demands, but inside, they are really good people. Like, they have the right principle and all which I highly respect and didn't expect them to have. It's like, the only thing that's missing is hidayah. And it belongs solely to Allah. So from now on, I'll pray that He'll give us all hidayah so that we may be better muslims insyaAllah..

Ok I don't know. I just feel like writing about that. Because it just reminds me of how great the power of hidayah.

That's all.

It's 12.33 am. I'm 3 minutes over the time limit. Palli!

wassalam..bye!

p/s: I wish I am someone that can open up to people easily. Keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself can be overbearing. Maybe I'm always under the impression that I can't convey what I really felt and that I have such tangled up mind I think no one will understand me! Or I just don't want people to see my weakness. Or maybe I don't want people to understand me completely. Ok I'm talking like some psycho person. I'll stop now.

Al-fatihah

2010-11-15T18:32:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

I didn't want to mix up this with my crappy posts so I'm making one post for this only..

One of our juniors passed away around 9.30 pm on 11th November 2010 after being involved in an accident while riding a motorbike with one of our friend about 3-4 hours before. It came to a shock to everyone and grieves us all even more. He just arrived in india for like 2 months. I cannot imagine how sad his parents are right now and I pray that Allah gives them strength in facing this tragedy. And may Allah shower His rahmah and maghfirah on Mohd Akmal.

Al-fatihah.

degil

2010-11-15T18:00:00.004+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

i have lots to tell but im just going to focus on whats really on my mind rite now cause i have homeworks to ~~enjoy~~ tend to in a minute..

jgn jadi degil boleh x?
cant u just think for 1 sec what your actions may lead to in the future?
I dont know what the heck is going on in your head..there must be some problem where it makes you refuse everything that's good for you and make you go running blindly towards problems..
Then later, you'll drag so many people into your problem and become a big fat pain in everyone's butt..
If you're some lonely person with no love and attention, than okay, I get it.. But I think you're just greedy and vain. And enjoy being under the spotlight too much..
Okay, I may sound like I'm jealous or something, but I'm 100% positive that I'm not.. One of my principles is, I'll try putting my feet into other people's shoes first, and I did with yours too. If I were you, I won't imagine doing those things because obviously, it only brings trouble! Urgh why can't you be smart in those things as well?!!
That's it.. I don't want to care anymore.. Go ahead and do what ever you like..
Ergh! I hate this feeling. Cause even if I say I won't care anymore, I'll still think about it. How can I ignore someones who's running headlong into trouble?
Hhhhhhhhhhh.....I'll just pray that you'll be rid of your vanity and pigheadedness. Those things are like 10 feet brick walls imprisoning common sense and logic.

the end

p/s: I think my blog is now 180 degrees different from what it used to be, content-wise. It's become a place where I complain and vent out my anger... It doesn't have a bluegreen aura anymore.. Its dark and gray with lightnings and crashing waves. W.

And to add on to all this crap that's about to overflow my guts to the point that I'll have to scream it of soon, tfs tour reaches malaysia 4th n 5th december ok. Why cant it be just 1 month late?! Urgh! Knowing this fact makes being stuck in this huge dumpster 198207247839 times #&%!)@(*#(!@&#*^&!

angin

2010-10-11T20:46:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

perut saye berangin

saye org yg "ade angin"
tapi saye x suke org yg "ade angin"
bermakne saye tak suka diri saye

I dont like to show signs of weakness.
I think when I cry, I'm weak.
So I dont like to cry infront of people.
I dont like to show people I'm hurt, when actually, I'm bleeding inside.

I try my best to understand how people are feeling.
I make an effort to guard my mouth from saying things that'll hurt people.
Please know that if I hurt your feelings, I'm not doing it purposely.
InsyaAllah, I never and will never do anything with the intention to hurt people.

People have to learn to understand others.
Then they have to accept what they have understood of a person's character, is who that person is.
Don't expect people to change if you don't tell them what to change.
And once you've told them, don't expect them to change immediately.
When you've given ample time and no changes are seen, just assume that they've made an effort to change, but failed.
That's their character. Accept it.

Empathy should be embedded within everyone's soul.
But sometimes, you can never imagine what a person is really feeling.
I can never know what they are feeling and going through rite now.
Just be kind.

Everyone should bersangka baik at all times.
Even for the smallest acts. Please.
How do you feel if you do something good with all good intentions, and people think you are not sincere in doing them?
Sedih. Dan marah.

I like to smile and laugh.
Even when it hurts, I'll try not to show.
Maybe people think I dont care.
So they trample all over my feelings.
Can't you see the me who's crying?

Only those who love you sincerely, can.
Otherwise, its very hard.
But its not impossible.

I'm not complaining.
And I'm not directing this towards anyone except to myself alone.
Maryam, please remember these things and try to be a better person.

wassalam..bye

They say that noisy people are not serious. But they never know that behind
those happy smiles and joyous laughters are a thousand kinds of pain which they tried to hide ever since. Laughter is not the best medicine. Sometimes, it's the best disguise.

p/s: Today farmers in davangere are on strike. The dental college next door had all their classes canceled. JJM students, dont even hope. Oto drivers are nasty people who only think of sucking all the money they can from students. Sorry for the mushy, crappy, puke-inducing entry.

reject me

2010-10-01T09:21:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone...

Its been 2 weeks since I came back here. And my body is almost over showing its parade of protests to this place. Please make me be healthy soon ya Allah..ameen :)

Postings are harder than dissections, though postings can be exciting sometimes. In first year, we had to endure the dissection hall which never fails to reek of formaldehyde and dead bodies. Now, my nose is being wearied out by strong fumes of chlorine and unpleasant smells reeking from the patients in CG Hospital. Alhamdulillah, my sense of smell is working perfectly.

Postings are also unpredictable. Like, for dissection they can tell us
"Tomorrow we'll cut open the ribs to see the thoracic cavity. Read and come."
or something like that. So we go back and read so that when they bombard us with questions the next day, we'll be a bit prepared rite. But nothing like that is ever gonna happen in postings cos u cant just say
"Okay tomorrow a patient with inguinal hernia will come to us. So read and come."
pffft~ its totally unpredictable! So they can ask us anything from ulcers to cancer! Solution? Read the whole Das! @_@

Oh and it dosen't help that my Asst.Prof only remembers my name in the whole unit. So quite frequently a question or two would be directed to me.
"Maryam will tell."
"Geh?!"
"*repeats question*"
"mumble mumble mumble~" =.=

OTs are boring and can almost make your legs get varicose veins!
Once a week during postings we have to go into the operating theatre and watch abt 4-7 operations being done by our unit Prof. and Assistant Prof. assisted by our PGs and Interns. Morning of my first time going into OT I was giddy with nervousness. But all the nervousness was for nothing! Their OTs have no balcony-like viewing room like I used to see in TVs. We actually went into the OT itself and stood behind or beside the doctors and nurses! When the case is a bit severe, there'll be too many docs around you cant get to see what's going on. That's when it gets so boring! Plus, OT means we have to stand for 3 hours! If we were doing postings in the ward, there'll at least be beds we can sit on the edge. But OTs only offer you those white walls to lean on and that dosen't make your legs less tired. =.= I think even the OTs are not that hygienic.

Mess hall food isn't getting any better even after they changed tenders.

I think I'm a magnet to flying insects and creepy crawlies. But thankfully, I seldom get bitten by mosquitoes.

Oh i forgot to tell something wonderful! Yesterday, today, tomorrow n the day after that is holidays!! [[okay sunday is always holidays but still..]] Yesterday and today is for some dispute between Hindus and Muslims over a piece of land where looong ago there used to be a kuil and muslims abolished it claiming it was on a Musilm's land. I'm not sure if they built a mosque later but things were relatively peaceful till now, after a few decades, they're unearthing this problem. So the government gave two days of holidays where curfew is highly recommended. I'm not happy that people are fighting especially when it involves Muslims. But seriously, I cant help feeling overly joyous that we got 4 straight class-free days! Yaaaaaaay~! ^^ Plus, I heard this case wasnt settled in just this 2 days so there'll probably give another 2 days of holidays sometime. Muehehehehehh. A riot could break out anytime though. We even have a police stationed outside our hostel! Cool huh?

I dunno what else to write.

Oh. I'm feeling a bit lonely. Not being on good terms with someone bothers me. And my friends wont help me mend this mess. I guess I'll have to wait for time to resolve it. I haven't called my best friend yet since I've returned here. And homesick attacks can come anytime n anywhere.

I miss home a lot. Its usually the small small ones that I miss most after Ummi and Abah. But this time, I missed Nadiah most. For those who knew me, its a weird statement. But I know its not. I pray that she gets the best in her PMR. Ameen~

We had a small get together last Saturday I think. Thanks Anis n Bdk Kecik [Aini/Mel] for hosting the small open house raya! It brings a lot more than just fun n delicious food. :)

Will write again if something comes up.

wassalam..bye!

p/s:
1. JangKi daebak! ^^ Mei-chan was also sweet~
2. My ulnar nerve hurts.
3. My spelling sucks! When I did spelcheking, most of my spelling mistakes involved words having "ie" or "ei" in the middle. I get confused almost all the time! So pardon my crappy spellings nad grammar okay. thanx :p

back

2010-09-28T19:48:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

I'm currently typing on a notepad cos I don't have my broadband. I'm upgrading to a high speed plan, yeay! But ofcourse its not as superb as unifi was cos yesterday they gave me a demo modem for me to try.

I dont really have much time actually. I'm supposed to be asleep right now but I really felt like blogging. Few days ago I felt like it to but my modem wasn't reactivated yet [or so I thot =.=!]. So pardon the jumbled-up entry ok.

Nasik ayam AirAsia x sedap. Xde soup. Let's stick to nasik lemak only next time ok?

Spending 2 months of pure happiness and relaxation makes it harder to live in India. In 2 months we already forgot so many things about Davangere. Like how it used to smell, how poeple act, where this n that shop was, n so on. I found it a bit funny that we were trying to adapt to this horrid place...again.

Missing approximately 3 weeks of the kick-off of 2nd year leaves us all in a daze when we finally turned up for classes. Now we have 4 subjects. Pathology, Microbiology, Pharmacology, and Forensic. Here's my time table.

8 a.m - 9 a.m : Theory on either Surgery/Medicine
9 a.m - 12 p.m : Posting - either Surgery/Medcine
12 p.m - 1 p.m : Theory Class of either Patho, Microb, Pharmac, or Forensic
1 p.m - 2.30 p.m : BREAK! = lunch, zuhur, power nap
2.30 p.m - 4.30 p.m : Practicals for either Patho, Microb, Pharmac, or Forensic. But Friday and Saturday is Theory for those subjects.

hyuuu~
First day was tough! Thank God I was in the same unit as Medha and Megha for postings. I was assigned to surgery posting first, till end of Oct. Then I'll have to do Medicine posting.

I was sent to CG Hospital. Megha told me what the "C"stands for but I dont remember it. But it was kinda funny.. haha.. "G"is for general hospital. For surgery and medicine posting, we can either be sent to CG Hospital or Bapuji Hospital. CG Hospital is utterly horrible looking and in an utterly horrible state too. I dont understand how a hospital could be so dirty. I shudder at the thot of how their bed sheets look like. Ugh. When the Prof. asked us what are factors that prevent or slow down healing. I almost blurt out "filthy bed sheets!". Haha.

Postings.
Arrived at hospital. The unit PG will ask us to look at a certain patient and study his case. Jot down everything from his name, cheif complaints, etc.... Then when the Prof. summons us, we'll present our findings to him. I was asked why I came late. I told him I celebrated Eid in Malaysia. Yeay! Nothing bad happened.

1st day
Saw a boy whin Klinefelter syndrome. Had sarcoma. Poor kid. Only 6 years and he has cancer already.
seniors are taking this case so we juniors had to find another patient.

Ok.. I just dozed off infront of this thing.. haha And I only [[I dont know what I wanted to write after this point ^^!]]

wassalam..bye!

p/s: this was written a week ago.. huhu

hate

2010-09-07T03:00:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum..

Lately I've been writing a lot of entries. But I kept them for my personal reading only. Like I mentioned previously, I'm retreating more n more into myself. Maybe I feel a bit too vulnerable spilling out most of what comes across my head/heart. I hate this.

I don't know when and how I became like this. And it's not that I'm oblivious to the change. I'm fully aware of it. But I can't find the will to yank myself out of this slump.

I think the environment around you is the main key to whatever changes that happens to you. Yes, that's it.

How much longer am I going to be like this? What does it take and at what would it cost for me to finally get out of this crap? How can I help myself?

I'm a dreadful person.

ja.

p/s: Sometimes you just feel like u want to be alone with your thots. Please don't ask anything. I don't know if I could answer it.

why

2010-09-03T08:06:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

i think its better to just type it out rightaway without a moment of delay! or else i'll never get around in doing it :p

I noticed that i've been spending my self-extended holidays like I always do... wasting time! You'll curse me for saying this but i think I actually like to waste my holidays with what i've been doing. I dunno why. Maybe cause i dont get to waste my time so much if i'm not on holidays..so i'm forgiven rite? Dramas, novels and whatever-my-current-obsession-is. These things are receiving my endless amount of attention. Seriously, I'd rather not sleep. pffft~

Watched "Code Blue" and "Code Blue 2" a few days ago and i think its a really good piece of work. Oh n it kinda hit me like a wrecking ball that being a doctor is super hard!! Before this people always said that "medic is a tough profession"n "being a doc is hard" blablabla n yes i acknowledged that fact. It just didn't come to my mind the picture of it. People's lives are in our hands! hyuuh~ but I remember what kak zulaikha said, "You don't know how hard it is and what it's really like until you're actually there." There's two sides to it. The more positive side is, it means, just gie it a try and walk through it cause it might not be as hard as how people say it or how you think it is. the slightly less encouraging side is, it means, it's super tough people don't een know how to put it in words n you have to feel the pain yourself to know how tough it is. pegh

Emily Strange is actually a novel! haha. I just found that out early this month n yes i bought it rite away. And i'm glad i did! It was so fun! I like the way Emily writes her stuff. I'm trying to write like her. If you're observant [and used to read my crappy entries] you'll definitely see a teensy-weensy bit of difference. :p But it's a bit hard to keep up that style of writing cos the way I write is like a habit.

Can''t get enough of them.

I'm a completely different person from who I used to be. The fact that I don't feel free to express myself is one identification point. It's quite worrying plus frustrating to lose the essence of me. I know in what way i haven't changed tho. My crappy posts.

Want to go and watch some more dramas. J-drama wins k-dramas big time. A couples beginning is the story's ending. That's the style of j-dramas. It shows that love between a couple is not the main theme. And, [I always say this..] it's not about the ending, it's how you get to it. But I don;t deny it that it's a bit frustrating not seeing an absolute happy ending, you see. I'm just human, and Yamapi looks a lot like Hyun Joong when he's not smiling.

Oh, just remembered, I definitely have to send Kyo for a wash. Raya is next weekend and India is the weekend after. booo~

ja ne

wassalam

p/s: I'll tell you what's different in this entry if you still havent figured it out yet...............I'm ~~using~~ trying to use proper capital letters and apostrophes where appropriate. It's hard! haha.. Tell me if it makes reading my crappy entries more bearable okay?

pfffft~

2010-09-03T07:58:00.002+08:00

bismillah n assalamualaikum everyone...

i just realised thanks to a certain someone, that its possible to update just short2 entries...

boooo~ why didn't I think of that. Anyway, I'll try to make blogging my habit again. I'm not promising anything tho.

ja ne

wassalam

p/s: I think I'm slowly turning myself inside-out

i.love.u

2010-05-15T00:31:00.003+08:00

bismillah n assalamualaikum everyone..

ahaha mcm geli x tajuk?
i think it is... a bit..

i dunno... im currently in a not so good a state...

oh b4 i forget... this is a timed entry!! haha its been ages since i last did this timed entry thingy... yep im gonna try finish typing out wutever comes thru my haphazard head in 30 minutes...

i dunno... i think im just having another homesick attack or sth... i tend to get one of those when im not physically well...

i think i care too much abt stuffs... smtms it dsnt even concern me... but most of the time i think i think too much of smthg... n rite now i think im making no sense at all :p i think wht im trying to say is, i care too much about too many stuffs n im not the kind of person who likes to express my frustrations by talking behind ppls back [[bkn nk puji diri seniri ke ape but i dont like it..rly.. cos wht wud you feel like if someone talked abt u behind your back... its not a pleasent feeling at all so..]] or share my troubled thots with ppl.. i tend to bottle them up... n that creates pressure... n thats when u feel emotional.......

emmmm do u know what its like or what it feels like to feel that some1 loves u? like love u..despite all ur bad things she still loves u.... i know wht that feels like... bt i dunno how to express it in words... all i can do ws cry.......

i think i m some1 who despite is very thankful tht im born as me, myself, i dont like myself much... n i feel tht most ppl around me dont like me much either... i think its called self-loathing or smthg.. [[wutever...my english's getting crappier from its original crappy state due to lack of exposure to english reading or smthg.. ]]

so naturally i dont think i deserve anybodys love.. n i think thats why when some1 loves me, im simply overwhelmed i cry.... [[ok this is the point where u say my god this kid's pathetic *n press the little "x" button]]

n with some1 who loves me like tht, i think i can b just who i am... im not saying im a hypocrite.. i dunno if a really am but i try not 2 b... but hey... ofcourse u wont let out ur everything with everyone rite? like if u know someone dsnt like this side of u, why show it to them? thats like purposely kicking someone in the butt... or simply saying its like nk carik gado ke ape... i think its important to maintain some cordiality with everyone..

with someone who loves me, i can b what i really am.. say wht i want to say n act as wht my heart tells me to without fear of being hated by tht person cos she wont ever hate me.... [[myb u'll say yakin diri je kau tu org tu x benci ko... wutever... i know her.. she's not like tht...]]

its like, i dunno what i did to deserve someone like u... or i feel like im so fortunate, the luckiest girl alive to hv a fren like u...

i dunno what ppl will think of this post.. i wish ppl wud tell me honestly what they think when they read my entries... i wont mind it if ppl wrote "ur pathetic", or "r u gay or smthg" or anything along those lines as long as its really wht ur thinking... ppl hv many ways of thinking... thts what makes people interesting..

but this is from the deepest of my heart... i hope u can feel that im really really really really really really really really really really really thankful to Allah that i ws destined to meet u... n b frens with u... cos i dont think any of my frens love me like u do... oh i can think of another person... but i didnt get to spend a lot of time with her n share a lot of things like i shared n experienced with you...

im sorry im not a good friend but..
thanx for being my friend.... thanks for sharing things with me... thanks for always being there for me... thanks for all the time u wasted on me... thanks for wanting to hear my ramblings n stupid jokes n crazy talks n absolute crap-wasting chatter... thanks for wanting to accept what i want to share with you... thanks for not hating me... thanks for putting up with my stupid temper.. thanks for still being my fren evn if i dont call u as much n dont show you tht u mean so much to me.. thanks for not judging me in whatever i do or say... thanks for loving me while knowing who i really am inside... thanks for everything.......

im not gonna wirte ur name here but i hope u know this post is for u

n my time is up... no thats an understatement... its already 4 minutes more than my original half hour...

im sorry to other readers for this super-mushy-cheesy-to-the-extreme post...

wassalam...bye!

p/s: whats wrong with me?! i hve exams in what...3 days time? n i still hve the guts to post this long an entry! i think my ol habits coming back.. the more less time i have to study, the stronger the urge to update my blog gets... i think smthgs wrong with this last sentence... im running out of time so pardon me

DEPRESSED

2010-05-10T01:16:00.004+08:00

WARNING: this post is just a tonne of crap by some girl who desperately needs some time to sort her brains out...

bismillah n assalamualaikum everyone...

yep

saye sgt tertekan

im feeling extremely depressed

i really feel like crying

and the credit goes to my studies.....

what makes me even depressed is that when im feeling all this tension, i really dont know wht to do...

i know i should keep on studying no matter what... but how can i study when my head feels like a bomb just exploded inside my cranial cavity n my heart feels like its having some acute fibrillations or smthg...

and what makes me even more depressed is tht, aft ive recovered from this current depression, i'll start a new round of tension cos i'll realise tht ive just wasted all that time not studying just bcs im "feeling depressed"... it feels like theres no hope of escaping depression!

[[i dun like this post... it sounds cheesy to the extreme... and please do me a favour... just dont count how many times i typed the word depressed, depression etc... or just stop reading b4 u too bcom depressed]]

my fren says she keeps herself in a constant state of free from depression [[due to studies]] is by sleeping a lot... or at least make it adequate.... but im not the type who can sleep a lot, study a lil bit n tada~ get good marks in exams... im just not that brilliant.... pffft... i sound ungrateful.. i really am grateful with what im adorned with... a good brain, heart, body etc.. i just need to know my abilities n use it to its fullest potential plus find my weaknesses n work a way around it...

so now i just dunno what to do when im like this...

>just ignore it? it'll build up anyway

>cheer myself up with things i like to do? please wake up n realise u cant waste ur time as u dont really have much anyway...

>sleep? same answer as above...

i cant think! i dont want to think! i dunno what to do! i feel like screaming n crying n jumping off a building [[im not suicidal..please dont worry...]]

i hate this feeling... and i hate that it'll take a toll on my health... some ppl can get depressed evry now n again but still maintains their health... not for me tho... my body systems'll bcom haywire and i'll bcom evn more depressed that my systems not working normally........

i think this post is really dark.. please stop reading ppl...

i miss my family...

i want to study...

i want to pass my 1st year of mbbs....

i want to live happily...

Allah... please help me... right now ur the only one who can...

rite now, my brains telling me to sleep.... it feels so heavy... but i need to study...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~~

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~

this is jaegers test for near vision..

im goin crazy

wassalam...bye

p/s: my precious headphone's showing symptoms of conductive deafness... i love this headphone... cos abah bought it for me... i love abah... so i love my headphone... [[i really do sound crazy rite?]]

i wanna blog..seriously it kills me

2010-04-27T22:12:00.003+08:00

bismillah n assalamulalikum everyone...

haha aft not blogging for so long, and aft saying tht i will blog, pffft~!

thats all i can say...

the title says it all i think..

i realy do want to... but i dunno if i can juggle blogging, studies, hibernate/sleeping, wasting time infront of the lappy i.e dabelesohgongil n so on...

but i really3 want to!! chincharo!

i always get this feeling when i read blogs tht r fun...

so....

option 1: dont read blogs!

option 2: just blog la wey

dunno... thats all.. im hvg a headache rite now.. [not bcs of the blogging dilemma...im rly not feeling well...]

haha but i cant blog anyway for the time being cos ive major exams coming like some a ward of monsters chasing you in ur nitemare.. later k when im finally free from this nitemare... [[yah i'll say dat now.. when exams over n im home then i'll forget all this promises.. pegh]]

wassalam..bye!

p/s: i blogged from mel's lappy cos i put a restraining order on myself.. i cannot use my lappy during weekdays...only weekends so tht i'll study more.. yea rite... i'll simply go to othr ppls room n use their lappy.. whts the diff? pffft~

practical exams r on 3rd 4th n 6th may! please doakn saye sihat slalu n dipemudahkn sgale urusan dunia akhirat ^^

i still want to

2009-12-11T04:06:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone....

gosshh... this is the longest ive gone without updating.. bt please believe me when i say that i really wanted to do so several times these past few months but the same excuse is brought up everytime: ive to do sth more important than this! ive no time~~ yada3

well its 1.45am india time and mind u, this is wayy past my bedtime... n ive to get up by 6.30 2moro or else i'll b late for class again n thatll just give me another [[very much uneeded]] reason to ditch... so there's no real update rite this moment.. :p

i promise to update soon ok... now that ive somewhat updated, mayb itll rekindle my passion for blogging.. pffft what the heck.. i think my blogging skills stinks like jjm's dissection hall... haih~

i reaaly2 want to blog u know...

i want to, and i will

till then

wassalam

bye!

p/s: oh yes i hvnt abandoned this p/s habit.. :p

haste

2009-08-15T18:50:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum everyone~!

ive been busy n kinda feel disoriented this past couple of days.. here's the thing

yesterday i was supposed to have my last appointment with my dentist b4 i fly.. i was all ready to go [[tho it was a few hours away till i really have to go]] and ws just checking my fb when dada msgd me on it saying mara wants to meet up with us [[gonna fly students]] for a lil briefing.. at 3! my appoinment's at 3.20! like whattheheck? ive already postponed it for like 2 weeks n ive to cancel it over mara..o'crse mara is situated higher on the list of priorities so nthg cn b done bout that..

long story short, called dentist saying cant go, they say come on 4th or 5th september, so i ws like yeah, i'll get a plane from india for that no problem! ahaha course i dint say that to the receptionist.. so i dint get to make a new appointment within the very little time ive left in malaysia so they just told me to come by the next day around noon n wait out for someone who cant turn up on their appnmnt.. or else its goodbye mlesia with my teeth all messed up..

i think im having not so gud a luck with trains at the moment.. last time when i went to the WOW camp [[wonderful overseas weekend..and it was wonderfully wow! glad i went!]] i almost missed the bus from kl cntrl to the camp bcs the trains kept being delayed or just wont show up at the right time for god knows why... n yesterday i ws almost freakin out when the clock showed 2.25, or myb later even, and the train hvnt showed up! i dunno how long it takes to get to bank neg sttn n i dunno how long it wud take for me to walk to the mara hq.. but thankfully i made it [[not quite on time]] b4 the briefing started..

it wsnt what i hoped for tho... they didnt give us our money yet!! theyll only be giving it on the day b4 we're going!! how'm i sposed to get any shopping done?! my bank account will surely dry up completely... they just briefed us on how to fill in the humongous stack of forms that has to be submitted by teusday.. and there was the blazer [[more like a jacket tho]] fitting.. oh n they also told us when we're actually gonna fly, tho they still dont have the exact time..just the date..

ten days?! yeah shopping, laptop hunting, packing, filling all the forms, find a couple of guarantors, shopping, make billions of copies of essential documents, convo rehearsal, convo, shopping, transferring all my precious softwares n documents into my laptop, reading all the novels that i cant bring with, shopping, n oh medical check up, and all those stuffs.. yeah.. all in a days work eyh? pffft.

today i have to go get the robes for my convo at ktt.. dragged kkk a long n it took ages to get to the top of the line! i also had to go get my result slip thingy for the forms.. my uni offer letters are only available on teusday..so...what? i hv to go to ktt again nxt week? sure..i can do that *rolls eyes*

rush back home, a hurried lunch n scrambling around the house looking for some passport sized photos later, i was out again to the dentist.. thank God i can squeeze in! so now i have this rubber bands, which can only fit thru a newborn's pinky, stretched from one of my lower teeth to those on the end of my upper jaw.. yeah~

then i hurried of to demc in the hopes of doing the med check up but no! they ony do it on office hours.. half day tday so no luck.. whats worst tho, they told me it takes 3 days to get the results.. so if i were to go on monday, my results'd only b out on thursday! no freakin way!!

but i think i still have hope tho.. there's this other private hosp that can produce results on the same day somewhere on the other end of ~~the world~~ shah alam so i'll go there monday morning coz ive convo rehearsal in the aftnoon...

2moro i'll b going to imani's for her kenduri... then i want to yank someone out for a small bit of shopping... teusday will be the convo plus the detour to ktt for my offer letter.. then its shopping n packing n panicking n trying to enjoy my last days on malaysian earth everyday till our pre-departure briefing, n finally..... f l y ~

its gona be hectic..but i kinda love it after being mostly dormant for like 2 months... i dont want to think too much or too deep of anything but i kinda have to... this is kindof a big leap.... hyuu~

ok ive wrote enuff... time to mutilate my wrists n fingers with the form filling..

wassalam..bye!

p/s: the host was like... wow~ like it leaves me breathless, kindof.. meyer's another person with a colourful vast imagination.. im sorry i had to rush thru it... oh well, thanx for the book ely!!! :)

there and back again

2009-08-12T17:48:00.005+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum!!

uhuhuu~ yea i know.. i once said i kinda dont wanna blog anymore but.. i just... cant! ive been blogging for almost 5 years or so, so its quite hard to just break out of that habit...

i think i decided to stop blogging a while ago because, urmm i felt insecure? i dunno.. i felt like ive exposed myself too much to the world and the strangers in it... i dont mind my friends reading it.. in fact, sometimes i blog for them as much as i blog for myself... and myb i quit blogging for a bit coz, i dunno, facebook kinda makes up for it.. but hell no it dosent! i cant fully express my thots n feelings there.. [[yeah sounds cheezy i know]] tho fb is more immediate in terms of time and people...

so after mulling it over for ages, i decided, okay i want to blog again.. coz i just miss blogging a lot! and i know my best friend really wants me to blog for god knows what reasons! huhu the look she gave me when she confronted me abt my quitting blogging slashed my heart [[its a nite of cheezy stuffs i guess =p ]] and some other friends also asked me abt my lack of posts... so here.. take it!

ahaha i know im like super crappy at blogging whether its about the entries or the frequency of my updates.. so thats why i dunno why u guys still want me to blog.. but i thank u guys for it.. seriously.. coz its like adding fuel to the spark?

yea wtv quit with the yapping already.. its time for updates!!

ive experienced n had gone to many places since the laaaaast time i updated but im not going into those stories coz it'll take days and a good lot of pages mayb... so i'll just get to the most recent happenings...

1. I CAN FLY!!!!
yea not like literally.. but i just got my a-level results 2 days ago and words could not describe what i felt! well maybe it can if u use all the words in the dictionary that means infinitely happy and thankful! i mean, ive had horrible dreams of not passing the 13/15 cut-off point and i was nervous as hell for like a month, not to mention my unhealthy heart rate on the 10th august itself! and to complicate stuff if i were to fail, i went all the way to ktt [[with ely]] to get my results instead of just calling my lecturer like everybody else did! thank God [[so much there's no end to it!]] i passed... alhamdulillah~ we sat at miss su's desk for like 2 hours aft we looked at our results at miss ct and talked abt how super excited and relieved we were that WE MADE IT!! we also talked abt those who were less fortunate and hoped that mara would still allow them to study abroad... i called my parents and grandparents aft that.. ahaha.. sorry for the suspense n making u worry so much while u waited for my call ummi! :D but miss su was as excited as we were! she's like "seronoknye~" and "pegi shopping cepat!!" and pesan many2 things.. she was so happy for us! thats why everyone loves her so much...she cares for her students a lot particularly our class! n she even insisted on giving us a ride to nilai [[in her new car i might add]] which saves us a lot! love ya miss su!! :)

so since it was already late n we were both in cloud 9 yet starving, we stopped at mid and had a yummy dinner at nandos b4 finally arriving home at almost 11pm.. me n ely joyah a lot on the bed and while watching twilight [[again..i know.. but hey, its ely's call okay! n we only watched the good parts i.e where edwd or jazz appears =p ]] so we ended up going to bed at like 2am..

2. today i accompanied imani to our dear old school.. imani wants to invite our teachers to her kenduri doa selamat.. my mom said we're not going to do a kenduri for me but im gonna ask abah =p but then i get a chance to ask my teachers to doakan my success n well being n blablabla today anyway... :) most of our teachers dont remember our names but they remember our faces.. i dont mind that and i think thats enough coz they teach like hundreds of students.. its us remebering them thats more important... i wouldnt be as i am if it werent for them.. but pn.ranany remembered my name! and she only tought me in form 3! even my class teacher didnt rmmbr my name so i was touched.. but all our teachers were happy to see us! i feel happy

but we didnt get to meet pn.noraini [[our superb add-math teacher! she's like, the best add-math teacher u could wish for..she rocks! ]] who already went home and pn.rosita [[our briliant bio teacher! i love learning bio from her!!]] who's transfered... oh n our ustazah too! we missed her!

oh then we went to get some grubs at noodle station in sacc.. it ws my first time there n as imani promised, their drinks r yummy~! ^-^ [[imani insisted everything's on her..kinda celebratory lunch! hehe thanx a bunc imani!! ]] oh n while i waited for some errand imani had to do, i called ely, n one of the important things she told me was, we'd probably be going on the 25th!! i was like oooh really?? n then i got distracted by my yummy lunch.. so when i told imani when we were in her car abt my supposed date of flying, it suddenly hit me.. so i was like, omgosh im going to india in like 2 weeks or less!!! oh my God! oh my God! *squealing the last part while imani laughs at me* ^-^!

so my fb status rite now is : im still trying to grasp the fact that "wow, i passed a-levels?!" and now they're telling me that im actually going to INDIA in like 2 weeks?! how can i not freak out?!! 0_o!||

ok i dont wanna write anymore..

wassalam..bye!!

p.s : [[yeah im still with this p.s thing.. idr what started it.. whtv.. ]] cant wait to do a lot of shopping!! :D

dont be

2009-04-23T22:27:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum..

oookay.... *heavy sigh*

i truly hate this feeling ok... like ive got loads to tell but i kinda dont really have the time to.. and its just soo much i dont know where to start or if i'll ever have the spirit to type it out...
ok so im just gonaa go random n spontaneous..

im quite impressed with myself.. ok dont get me wrong cz im not being riak or anything.. but quite a few years back, i used to b like, i cant stand more than 2 days of not surfing the net! but now, smtms i hardly care, or ill tell myslf not to care coz 1)internet at ktt sucks much so im tired of being disappointed everytime im faced with "page cannot be displayed" and all oth sorts of trash... 2)i cant find time either... coz theres only one laptop at our apartment and its not mine and theres 3 ppl i need of it and we all can only afford to go online in the evenings when our brains are kind of tired out with studying... one day i'll go n say "internet? oh i hvnt seen him in eons!" heh

alhamdulillah... mara has approved my request for medic.period.

ive gone without typing for so long, i type fairly slow now... it sucks..

i have like 26 days left to A2.. so the tension is running high... no time to fool around...

i went to a tamrin recently... it was good...

oh aft our trial, we went ice skating!! it was fun!! i didnt fall at all!! the rest did tho.. huhu~ ajan even had to buy new pants cos hers was soooo wet! ba'yah did a spectacular skid on her side when she fell! i almost fell myself coz i ws laughing so hard at that! it ws a gr8 day... ill sure miss all my 6 ronggeng buddies... *sigh~*

ive sth more to tell but cant quite rmmbr...

the tenth circle was sooo worth reading! luv it!

im in no mood to blog actually... but i just have to no matter how crappy i know itll become...

im done here

wassalam..bye!

p/s: *hazy*
p/s: influence of chemistry still strong.. i had to edit this post coz i misspelled loads of words.. one yg plg x le bla ws "page cannot be displaced" haha yeup..go chemistry!?

time

2009-03-31T19:12:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

WARNING : This post is a scramble of thots.. whatever comes thru this fickled mind of mine shall be typed out, possibly without thinking thrice.

i envy others that can manage their time well... have fun or do what they want now n then but still get great results...

im freaking pissed with my phone right now cos it wont vibrate at all and the vibrating effect is like, crucial to wake me up.. i slept for almost an hour this afternoon! [[at the brink of exams, sleeping more than 40 minutes during the day is like a crime! for me ofcourse]]

i think my english is deteriorating since im done with IELTS. so sorry for the unintersting language to even worsen my uninteresting jumble of stories.. many juniors got 8.5... w o w

im quoting myself in some previous post : exams brings out the worse in people. it is a fact and as true as saying ice creams are cold and delicious.

i love my friends. old n new.
old : u r not forgotten.
new : there's still a lot to learn abt you but i already love you for who u r...

everyone is unique... smtms it makes life difficult... but most of the time, its a wonderful display of colours... its makes ur life brighter even if u think its already bright...

i miss home... i've stayed here, without going home for weekends n stuff, for almost a month.
thats quite long for me..

tadi ade pejumpaan dgn sir razib pasal placement... of course i want medic... but i think i can accept it if they throw me into dentistry anyway.. Allah is the best planner! i thot abt it once, i shud be grateful for whatever i get and trust Allah with His plans for me... ive planned what i want but im just a feeble human.. what do i know? n mayb what i want is really not the best thing for me... and im hoping whatever i get is the best for not only my life on this earth, but in the life after this, which is eternity! and i should be ashamed of myself when i was all wound up abt being thrown ino dentistry [[and they havent even finalised that yet! how stupid of me huh?]] ... its like i didnt trust Allah's plans for my life... i am very much ashamed of that... Allah has given me a good life so far, and that already, is A LOT to be thankful for.. and if i was to go into dentistry instead of medic, i have EVEN MORE to be thankful of.... its a good profession! please forgive me...

i want to get 4As for A2 please... thank you

i dont know if im studying right... i seem to be studying... but i dunno if my head's filled enough for the exams n if im filling it right.. =p

i think i should stop now...

this update took me like 30 minutes.. so im really typing out whatever tht came thru my head...

b4 i stop... bersangke baik itu penting! sangat penting. bersabar itu salah satu drpd 3 teras utame akhlak. maka ia juge penting. memaafkan unconditionally is also penting. and loving your friends despite their flaws is also penting. these are the recipes to a beautiful friendship. and beautiful friendship is an easy road to a happy life.

wassalam..bye!

p/s: please doakan saye utk sume exam saye.. saye bakal menghadapi pre-A2 minggu depan yg walaupon adalah internal exam dan tidak akan effect saye akan fly ke tak, tapi i want to gauge how good i am so far.. i mean, how prepared i am for my real exam... exam saye yang bakal menentukan saye fly ke tak akan saye tempuhi awal bulan 5 nanti... jadi saye sgt berharap awk sume doakan saye akan lebih rajin belajar dan kurang rajin maen n wat mende tapape mcm ulang "ielts books" untuk ntah keberapekalinye lagi... terime kasih

tikah, i miss you n monkey.. why rnt we monkeying nemore?

moods

2009-03-23T20:34:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum...

i was...

.euphoric.
when i learned i got more than i thought i can... alhamdulillah, i cant thank you enough dear Allah...

.full of hatred.
when i saw people do mungkar and have no sense of shame at all.. [[i'll vent it out in some oth post as i fell the need to back it up with verses from The Quran]]

.annoyed.
most of the time by annoying people.. or rather by their behaviors... i dont know.. im not doing justice much here...

.bored.
at feskott this year and thinks that i could waste my time with some fun things...

.*&#^@*(#@(.
words fail me... i dunno what my state of mood right now... i just feel like releasing a humongous sigh to empty my lungs body heart n soul of every poisonous air ive inhaled... figuratively of course..

seriously.. i gotta find an outlet for my *&#^@*(#@( feeling cos its pretty near to tension+anger+depression.. my insides are practically screaming of this feeling and demanding to be let out... im feel poisoned

i am writing crap

sorry

wassalam...bye

p/s: .....

cant get enough of studying

2009-03-05T20:30:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum ppl ^-^

yea rite... when bluegreen says those words, its of the purest kind of lie ever! haha im always ready to throw away my books n skip off doing worthless things...

ok rite now, im a bit pissed off with msn's dictionary cos it wont work... but then mayb i dont rly hv time to use it nway cos its 8.45 n my studying time supposed to start at 9!

but ive loads to tell! thats what happens when u dont update that frequent miss bluegreen..
hurnh~ fine *rolls eyes*

so, picking up where i left b4, when i got back to ktt, the water still wsnt back to normal despite the many announcements saying it'll be fine at this n that time... it never did till the next frekin day! i had to angkut air up 2 flights of stairs (thats like 60 sth steps i think) and suffer some severe backache for like 4 stinkin' days afterwards! seriously, im not exagerating... i ws groaning n moaning like some old lady with arthritis everytime i had to bend over or even stand up straight! how bad is tht?! well the water came back anyway so i have to be grateful n shut up abt it till the next time it fails to behave normally...

hmm...so then myb nothing much happened.. even if it did, well its just typical me to forget abt it rite? one big thing anyone [[in ktt that is]] wont ever 4get is ofcourse IELTS...

yup...wht ive been dreading for the past few weeks had passed like some normal thunderstorm.. yeah, you got the gist.. it didnt went a breeze... for me lah... i think many did well in theirs... i sucked bad at my writing... i knew i did... but still praying whoever's marking my paper is awfully kind to ignore my super duper crappy pointless contents and give me marks enough to pull thru a 7 in overall... ok i think thats too much, considering the state of my unread n uncheked essay i surrendered... if i get lower than 5 for my writing, im blaming idp for forcing us thru 3 hours of 3 brain-straining tests, with as much as 10 minutes of no-butts-off-your respective-chairs rest in btwn each! and for making the writing test the last of the three tests to boot! how in the world could my brain not get tired after 2 fearsome tests and expect it to squeeze out nice words n sentences n relevent contents for 2 essays hmm? you tell me...

but still, i feel good enough of my listening.. a little less good for reading though.. and speaking ws surprisingly ok too though i think i spoke like some elementary school kid... at least theres no right or wrong answers in speaking... results'll be out on the 13th... im not telling you guys what i got if i get less than 7.. =p i need 6.5 to fly... please pray that i at least pass..? thanx

i dunno but i think i did quite a lot for ielts.. i practically detest writing academic essays.. so bcs i did 3 sets of writing [[ equals to 6 essays]] b4 the real test, i think i had my efforts at an "OK" level aite? n ofcourse i did all the reading n listening as much as my books allow... =p i'll just have to hope n pray for the best now... u guys do that too kay! =D

hmm...dunno wht else there is to report abt... oh i watched a couple of movies b4 ielts.. practice listening n broaden vocab konon... ehe.. the curious case of benjamin button was cool... makes me ponder on the most expensive thing u have in life: time. and backwards or normal, the prime time of our life wud as a teenage, young and all that... our mind and body are at its peak, or turning point.. you know, like the quadratic graph , or -x² graph.. it has a maximum turning point... the graph is like our life.. well, from the physical n mind aspect that is... and im at the turning point... everyone my age is... and thats a lot to ponder about... we should be thinking not only on how we should appreciate and use what we have to its full extent, but also in what way... what direction? which outlet? and no, its not only our wordly needs and goals are to be pursued... our akhirat is what's eternal... and are we using our blooming youth in that direction like the sahabats, or r we like some typical youngster? carefree and careless? make hay while the sun shines, they say... let us try to make our iman-against-time graph, one that is directly proportional with a positive gradient... i know there'll be fluctuations here and there, we are human.. but try drawing a best fit line.... ;)

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
by J.R.R Tolkien

ok.. im 40 minutes into my study time, and im still not studying... gyabo!

why am i even updating now?? im going back home 2moro for heaven's sake! oh yeah...theres a smaller probability of me updating at home rather than in collage cos at home i'll be distracted by new movies, squabbling with sibbies, cravings for ffics, etcetra etcetra the list goes on.... =p
cant wait to be home! its been 3 weeks!!

wassalam..bye!

p/s: if chinese can boycott israel companies, why cant we, brothers and sisters to those in palestine, do the same? shameful if we cant rite? and pray... its our greatest weapon... put ourselves in their shoes [[figuratively ofcourse..many dont even have shoes nymo]]... we'd want muslims from around the world to help us too wont we?

these books are my friends, my companions. they make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life. - Jeod in Eragon by Christopher Paolini

water n good internet

2009-02-15T15:56:00.003+08:00

bimillah n assalamualaikum ^-^

uh huh... those r some of the things i fully enjoy having at home...

oh yea, abt the water, yesterday the water supply ws cut for God knows why... but it'll only be back till late this afternoon so im playing safe by going back to ktt at nite..

the water ws gone from the main pipes right aft i had my bath ystrdy morning.. then the tank for the apartment's not that big i guess so we ran out of water not long after... no water sucks much even for a few hours, imagine for 2 days! so when the warden or sth announced that things'll be back to normal by 4pm the next day, me n ajan exchanged looks of pure horror! jom balek! n balek we went in not more than an hour after the announcement..

i dunno how ppl survive there tho.. im really thankful, for the millionth time, my home's not tht far...

so there goes my weekend plans.. hey, i ws planning on doing some serious studying ok.. [[ok2 i admit im a little happy that im home =p well, who isnt, rite?]] like one set of past year for each subject at the very least... oh n work on ielts essays n listening n reading if a can... yea i know, its not like i cant do it at home rite? oh wait, i really cant.. =p i shud tho, but i just cant..

man its so good to be home! i cant help marveling the fact that water spouts out of pipes n the internet is so good i can get many things done in a short time.. [[a short time surfing the net = 4 hours or so for bluegreen XP ]] not like the crappy internet at ktt whc smtms dissapear without warning n is kinda slow... still, i wont compliant cos it can b worst aite? [[duh u just did bluegreen *rolls eyes*]]

there.. thats all i think..i dont rly know wht made me write.. i think i just had to tell everyone how there's practically no life without water! dont take it for granted ppl.. seriously.. turn ouff the tap while u brush ur teeth and excreting =p

b4 penning off, i just wanna state that ive finally finished meyer university [[ffic]] and it was great! really! thats the longest fic ive ever read tho... ok done-

wassalam..bye! ^-^

p/s: think, while in the comforts of ur home, the palestinians are derailed of theirs.. help them..

dreading

2009-02-12T18:54:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san....

huhu... i deserve a good kick for not updating for ages! ok on 2nd thot, i dont rly want a kick... =p but then, im really ever updating right now cos blogger is one of the very few sites i can access with this crappy wireless network at the moment.. gurh!

i think the last time i updated was at the start of my midsem hols n now its like the 3rd week after the hols.. so yea, many things happened n passed... =p like always, when this happens, i'll write very short notes on what i did for like 1 month.. huh

-hung out with tima n tikah one day... it ws a weekday but still, driving at lunch hour is hell! we hunted for breaking dawn at sacc mall and s.a mall to no success of course... tima n tikah bought some stuffs tho... then we ate cakeys at a secret recipe in sec.9! tho it ws pretty short, i really had a great time wth my frens.. i missed them so much! so then when i sent tikah back home, we talked n talked for almost 2 hours in the car! huhu.. apparently there was so much we didnt get a chance to catch up on... and those being vital facts too.. i finaly understand the reason behind the inevitable transformation... and when there's understanding, acceptance comes a great deal easier.. =) and time was all that we really needed...

-that very same day, and as i drove (or attemp to, that is) into the porch, atok's car ws already there! huhu.. and they stayed a few days for hospital appointments and managed to visit relatives on opah's side [[who turned out to be almost soap-opera-ish =p]].. then they spent a night at wancho's.. and at wancho's house, when we were sending atok n opah there, i almost squealed in delight after i got a call from mph sacc mall saying that my breaking dawn has arrived! haha.. ok i admit i really did squeal after dashing off into a room already full of noisy kids =p the next morning after a spot of shopping and a pretty far detour to sacc mall, i was happily reading my very own breaking dawn finally! huhu...

-yeah that pretty much tells you how ive spent my holidays.. reading the twilight saga.. i know im such an idiot to waste my time on reading those books for the second time.. (at a much2 slower pace..its pleasantly suprising how much u missed in ur rush to know the ending the 1st time u read!) but im just not strong enough to fight off the temptation! urgh..im really not proud of my acts... my bag of books lay as it were the day i dumped it on the floor till the day it had to b shoved back into the car n back to ktt..

- we did go swimming a few times tho... 3 laps.. thats my new record.. but i only managed to do it once tho..

-back to ktt n nothing exciting to report on for the first week..

- i didnt want to go back home that 1st weekend at first, but then the dentist gave me a call to come in on saturday, so tht really leaves me no choice.. *big grin* and then amal invited me to her kenduri kesyukuran for she'll be off to japan next month to further her studies, and it ws also on saturday.. and then, all the more reasons to go home, jannah called me! she was on holiday!! [[she's studying in jordan]] i simply had to meet up with her!

-dentist was painful as per usual tho my progress is good it seems..

-amals kenduri was fun!! well not that it was fun, but i had fun meeting up with my schoolmates!! imani, yasmin, anisa, tikah, syahir n farahain came... and ugh i absolutely envied amal!! really!! i heard her talking to her senseis and she sounds so fluent! so lembut n comel n japanese n everything! huh.. enough of that... yasmin n anisa n farahain also made me kinda jealous cos they're already in sem 2 of medical degree! the exciting things they talk about just makes me wish my a-levels is over n done with!

-the next day i went to jannah's place... its so good to see her! it always is.... she cooked some spaghetti for our lunch n caramel pudding for deserts.. they were delicious!! she talked abt jordan and all our primary school friends she met there.. wow i didnt know there were so many of them there! i also got to know that one of my friends was already married n just recently lost her 1st born.. i ws surprised and what happened ws so sad.. then i told jannah dont u ever get married outside of malaysia! i must be at ur wedding! haha.. but i forgot to force her to promise me that i must be her bridesmaid... i'll call her soon tho just for that =p [[haha..suddenly i think i sound like alice!]] it was yet another short meeting but i love every scond of it... =) i love my friends!! and i know they love me too! ^-^

so thats pretty much it...
but back to the title of my entry today, im seriously dreading ielts thats gonna happen in 2 weeks time... just look at the state of my english!! ok fine if u say this is ok... but im not good in academic writing..or speaking.. or even thinking for that matter... but im aiming for a band 8.. yep i know.. thats high.. we had a seminar on ielts a few days ago n it was extremely helpful! the speaker was... superb! i like listnening to the way she talks... =)

ok.. my back is aching, i dont exactly want to bathe cos its so cold and im not even dirty or sweaty but i know im gonna need it if i plan to do any studying 2nite, which i seriously need to... so im off..

wasssalam..bye!!

p/s: our brothers and sisters in palestine still need our support... pray n boycott!

home

2009-01-22T22:13:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~! ^-^

huhu... yeay im home! after 4 days of torturous exams. i can finally breathe n liberty of sleeping as long as i want is back!! huhu

yep..b4 i get busy enjoying my only 1 week holiday n, sadly, the only holiday we'll have till june, id better share my joy first... =)

i got an A on my repeat chemistry paper!!! yeah i know id have to do it 2 times to get it rite.. but still my current result is now much more better... at least i can apply for universities now... =)
congrats to everyone!! ely gile ah got both A's for phys n chem! she totally deserved it... omedetto eri-chan! n congrats to jee, ayu, ajan n tin as well! we did it!! ^-^

ok thats all.. =p haha... id like to share more u know... how exams make u crazy but its nice to be crazy with ur friends, how id spend this hols absorbed in twilight, how worried i am if i really am too absorbed in it till my academic books will lay untouched till i finally have to go back to college, and all those stuffs... but hey, i had a long day n chemistry paper this morning was horrible! [tho i had a bit of luck cos the past year question i happen to briefly read thru came up..] n i joyah-ed with my mom abt twilight in the car.. non-stop talking for like an hour is tiring even for a chatterbox like me... then went home to my small sibbies n their naughtiness... now i wanna go wrap my twilight book so that i can start read it till i fall asleep... =)

huhu...
till then..
wassalam..bye!
jya ne!!

p/s: never stop praying for the palestinians...

war zone?

2009-01-17T23:15:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san ^-^

exams brings out the worst in ppl.... generally... well ok then myb only me...

its kinda exhausting u know? like, sth that u normally find annoying but its kinda no big deal n no need to piss off suddenly irritates you to death when exams r looming. the temper bar limit lowers a few inches as well, and logic suddenly refuse to fight over emotions. everything i see or experience is doubled which also results in a doubled reaction.. n where in the world is the outlet for all the craps here huh? huuhuu~

yeah this is a "vent out all your frustration" session... tho i have to do it vaguely for myb the person in question might read my blog.. =p

exhibit 1: physics... i cant quite see what its trying to tell me!!! its so maddeningly discouraging!!
exhibit 2: ppl who's oblivious to what privacy means... im talking broad.. either she dosent know someone needs privacy, or she dosent give herself any damn privacy, or anything can do along those lines... sounds crappy? yeah i know..
exhibit 3: me n my last minute studying... this abt concludes everything... this is the real culprit.. the one thats creating all this crap...

one day i'll read this entry again n i'll sure b wondering w.t.h im tryinna say here... i know im writing out junk but thats just what i felt like i need to write... my fingers were kinda tingling to blog a few minutes ago when i got so tired and angry at physics, i just had to slam my books shut n pile up all the books and stationary with as much noise as i cud... the banging kinda helps.. =.=

n here i am grumbling away of trivial things when my brothers and sisters are fighting to live another day in palestine...
here i am being angry at ppl who just annoys me a bit with insignificant things when others are courageously fighting those damned israelis who're violating their life...
here i am feeling all worked up in preparing myself for a war with exam papers arming myself with pens n rulers when the palestinians are at war with bombs, missiles and every other monstrous killing machines and only armed with bricks n stones?

.shameful.

im not someone who can really write good almost-to-article stuffs on current issues n everything.. im just pouring out my views, feelings n stories... but please readers, do what u can to help them... i dont even know what else will truly help them... but for now i know that i must never stop praying for them bcus doa is our weapon against our enemies... and of course, stop supporting companies that are helping israel with their massacre... i bet u can find loads of pamphlets on products that you should boycott.. also, donate as much as possible... that is all i think i can do.. if u hv any other ideas, please tell....

im ashamed to admit that, despite the war thats going on, and of course my own war with exam papers coming up, i still have time to be infatuated with twilight saga, read edward cullen. yes, at first, which is to say right aft i watched the movie, i decided tht i did not want to read its books cos later i wont enjoy the upcoming movies like other book-based movies... but now, ive read all the books n cant seem to get them out of my head! jee buying the book n nagging me to read it aft her so she can joyah, helps in the change of decision.. =p haha im not blaming you 4 anything jee..

if i were to compare the work of stephenie meyer with j.k rowling's, id say rowling wins hands down... but both has its own brilliance of course... its just that, harry potter has stupendous plot! whereas twilight saga has a breathtakingly complicated love story told out in a totally unboring and amusing way... (cos i always find that love stories are boring..) when i read, i usually like to see how each author tells their story... how they describe everything.. i think thats what distinguishes an author to another... i remember when i first read twilight, it intrigues me that its a diary like novel... haha silly me yeah, but i seldom read that type of novel... myb i used to, when i ws younger.. =p

and even with exams just a little less than a day away, i manage to read (or reread ^.^) midnight sun (draft) when ayu wants to read it....[[and i seriously hope+wish that it'll really become a book! edward's p.o.v is just gripping!]] irresponsible aren't i?

well..i'd better stop now b4 i start talking abt edward... =p he's just so dazzling i know i'll spend another 30 minutes and that'll end up with me getting up late next morning n miss the good hours 4 studying.. -.-

till then,
wassalam..
jya na!

p/s: its so cold these past few weeks i simply have to mention it here! the sliding door is tightly shut to keep out the chilly wind outside and even with the fan only at 2, id still wanna wear a sweater n socks n walk around the appartment in my cosy+cute green bedroom slippers! we only turn on the fan just to keep the air moving... rainy season? winter but malaysia version? wtvr, its just plain cold this month.. =)

aeons

2008-12-31T21:39:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~! ^-^

yes..its been that long since i last updated.. n yes for numerous reasons which im not going to explain... huhu

its been too long so i dont even know where to start!! huhu...

well.. my final sem break finished like a week ago... and if i were to look back at it, id puke... its too void! but i did finish reading abt 3 books in the 2 weeks of holiday... shopaholic takes manhattan by sophie kinsella (super fun like the first one n cant wait to read the third!), a sidney sheldon book which i cant remember the title but it was my first of sheldon's n i think she writes great books so id like to read more of her if i have the time!, and last but not least, vanishing acts by jodi picoult (i hate delia...but still awed at picoults writing)... books are wonderful.period.

more of books! ive just finish reading Eragon by Christopher Paolini! n OMG!!! *screaming!* it was tremendously, superbly brilliant!!! and to think that it was written by a 15 year old boy! gilak ah!! nway, i really cant wait to read the next book! were it not for my homeworks n studies demanding attention, id go and get the book from farid this minute!! huhu... n im totally buying the series, sengkek or not! =p cant wait to know what'll happen btwn arya n eragon! oh but nway, jee's been nagging me to read her twilight a.s.a.p cos she really has to joyah to someone abt it n i booked to read it after her nway...

during the hols, umi n abah went to sabah n back home safely.. they spent 10 days there.. 10 days! we were left at home ofcourse and naturally i took the role of an evil stepmother to my smaller siblings... *sigh* we skyped a lot tho, and wow the room they stayed in was large! the whole family could fit in there! but yeah, i still cant go regardless of how big the room they provided cos i had to be back in ktt b4 the date of their return to the semenanjung... huhu~ so kakak n k.mun sent me back.. its so ~~not~~ good to be back...

last thursday and friday were holidays for christmas n cuti berganti.. so i went home on wednesday n by then umi n abah were already home.. thanx for the cute bracelet u guys!!!
then i went back to ktt on saturday tho my holidays is till monday, cos i think i need to do a lot of studying... and good thing i did too, cos i left early on wednesday n missed the homeworks my lecturers gave later in the evening which needs to be handed in when we come back from the short holiday...

but sadly, i missed a small, unplanned family gathering at my own house the day i went back to ktt... wandah n maksu's family came and stayed overnight bcs there were 2 kenduris of abah's relative that day.. and unexpectedly, atok also showed up so i missed that too... hyuu~

i went back by train since everyone cant send me back.. so i met ely n jee at mid so in tht way, i dont have to go back to ktt alone from the train station... we were supposed to go ice skating that day but since ba'yah cudnt come n ronggeng, we had to settle for mid only bcs it wont be much fun to ice skate with only 2 ppl besides urself... but what a day it was! we watched 2 movies! one in the morning n one in the afternoon! the day the earth stood still and bedtime stories.. both r good... got msgs...

n suddenly, my mind has stop thinking of craps to type out so i guess i have to stop here... b4 tht, sth i found in Eragon...

These books are my friends, my companions. They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life.

- Jeod in Eragon by Christopher Paolini -

after reading that i felt like saying, "me too jeod!" XP hahaa

till then,
wassalam..ja ne!

p/s: LOL ayu n her doup~!

spirit!

2008-12-13T11:11:00.004+08:00

bismilaah and assalamualaikum minna-san~! ^-^

huhu since the computer got blown up in a bad thunderstorm, all we have now is this slow laptop to get ourselves online... so to avoid ugly squabbles, time on the lappy is rationed btwn us siblings, down to syahmi who'd like to play feeding frenzy every now n again... gyaaaAn~!

mayb thats a sign plus a helpful push on the back to really start studying my maths... haha... my pure maths 2&3 text book, maths p3 past year booklet, test pad and mr.razib's math notes are just an arm reach away from me rite this second... but my studying-maths-spirit is lost or being held captive for the time being by Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult.. weeheey~

jodi picoult is an interesting person... one, she's highly educated, and im talking abt ivy league.. another, is the way she relates what the character is feelings to the simple things or scenarios around us... it just, fascinates me... but i dunno why, im reading this book with only less than half of my heart.. i dunno why but i just feel like it.. mayb its because of the sore throat ive been having for days.. or mayb its the insufficient lighting when im reading.. well wtvr...

i bought that book in borders last thursday when i went for a lil ronggeng with tikah... it didnt turn out to be much of a ronggeng tho... my sis tagged along so she dragged with her k.mun, then she dragged mohd.amin, aishah n timah... hoho... we didnt even watch a movie cos what seemed watchable were only twilight [[yea i know ive watched it]] and the day the earth stood still.. and unfortunately, they were on screen late in the afternoon which would mean going back late.. so no..

its nice to meet up with an old friend... the difference is quite apparent from how we use to interact with each other b4 and present... thats cause our circle of friends are now different.. so u get used to socializing in this n that way.. so when u meet up with ur old buddy, i need getting used to the their new ways and vice versa.. but still, the bridge is there...

i read a blog of a guy who resents his wrong doings and vomits it out on his blog.. it was kinda "wow"... he told every embarrassing and sinful acts he did which he's certainly not proud of, n seriously wishes he'd never do that again and hopes his friends would prevent him the nest time he feels like doing it cos he knows that Allah hates what he did... i really respect him for showing that part of him and not try to make himself up as somebody else... i wanna b someone like that... not a hypocrite...

thats the beauty abt blogging... u can read people... for those who look beyond the words of an entry, they'll see what the blogger is made of... u get to know that person better by reading his/her blog... but one thing is sure, u can never read ur own blog... seriously... after all, i heard someone quote Einstein "the toughest thing to learn in the whole world is to learn abt urself" well, sth like that i think...

so i can mentally hear my sis nagging me to get off this lappy pronto.. so b4 i hear it for real, id better get my ass of here...

wassalam, jya ne!

p/s: babies [[are 2 year olds still considered as babies?]] are super cute! especially when theyre in the phase of learning... like my sis who's learning to talk... ading=daging, banana=nananana, papaya=papa-aya, and the way she must pause in the middle of long words or 2 words is hilariously cute!! huhu~

it was fun!

2008-12-07T22:14:00.005+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~! ^-^

BTN! yes... despite the fact that i hated going to it in the first place, it was fun!! cause its been ages since i attended any camp of some sort, da lame x dengar ceramah, lame x tdo tym ceramah, do group work like LDK sessions, lame x wat physical tests, lame x merentas desa kinda thing [we had to run 2km in 18 minutes..i did it in 19.01 peh]], lame x masok hutan n get pricked by duri2 hutan! huhu...

so the most unforgettable things during BTN?
-tdo time ceramah, if not chatting with ba'yah to avoid nodding off...
-abuyah n bedah? ROFL
-my new "best friend"... ha ha very funnny you guys..
-"klon mael" !!
-LDK n our facilitators
-im a circle person..
-nodding off in LDK tanpe sogan silu...
-soghaaang~ LOL
-lari 2km in 19.01 minutes.. yep the hot dog.. =p
-repelling
-"org jawe kate" physiology test... im aged 30-40! or was it 20-30? i dunno anyway i got 70/80..
-kembara!! guys r gents!! in my group that is..
-lumpur was super sludgy+busuk
-ba'yah: "my frens byk yg da kne pacat~!" egh! geli gle farah!!
-farah! kenape farah ckp mcm tu! kayam geli tau farah!!
-last LDK was super fun! with all the "ajijijijiji...hait" n silent white stones game + blur leader = silent laughing smp nk guling2 ats lantai dewan!
-aswan as tugu negara kibar bendera while evryone sang 31 ogos..
-sang warisan song together sgt touching
-exam!
-gdbye evryone...
-waited like an hour for the bus to come and fetch us.. slept at some oth dorm cos ours were invaded by monkeys earlier and they kindly left some souvenirs... ugh..

huhu.. so thats all i kinda wanna update... bit malas.. huhu...

wassalam..jya ne!

p/s: happy eid everyone!!

osm!

2008-11-29T21:26:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~! ^-^

hyuu hyuu~ what a day! yesterday and today that is... so i guess its like, what 2 days! pegh..that sounds crappy.. =p

well last thursday our days of torments were finally over when our finals ended with chem p4! cant tell how happy i am its over! tho we did nothing on that particular day besides going to pasar malam, watch a movie [[pirates 1st! lol love capt. jack sparrow!]], and pack our bags for the next day...

the next day, or yesterday it was, we went to mid valley, all 7 of us! thats
me + ayu + ajan + ely + ba'yah + jee + tinton
oh and ba'yah's cousins + bro tagged along but went separate ways at mid...
nothing much on the journey from our humble college to nilai station [[my house with uncle saba, ba'yah's with ba'yah..]] then to mid itself [[by ktm of course]]...

so we arrived at mid at around 11 sth, which is undesirably one hour late than planned! we had to split up to 3 parties to save time as our plans for that day made quite a list...
1. watch movie
2. bowling
3. shopping for btn stuffs
4. of course theres also lunch and prayers...

so ely + ba'yah went to get the movie tickets [[it ws agreed that we wud watch twilight cos everybody heard it ws great]], me + ayu + ajan went to the lockers in jusco to deposit our bags [[we were going straight back home n we're not going to lug it around mid!]], jee + tinton pegi cucok.. =p and things did not go smoothly for us! well, its only me + ayu + ajan that is... rmmbr to bring lotsa change anywhere you go ppl... =p long story short, we ran 2 floors and back, just to get a change for ajan's locker! and why must we run you ask? well in the middle of it all, ba'yah called saying theyre gonna buy the 11.30 tickets if we're all ok.. so i briantlly said okay knowing that 11.30 was just 10 minutes away! bajet laju sgt la bleh begerak en? hoho...

i dunno wht happened to others, but our party arrived like 10 minutes late! and some of us were especially late bcos of the lil hiccup at the popcorn counter! dang! i hate missing the start of a movie! but nonetheless, twilight was AWESOME! best gile! we all loved it!
hmm...i think all 7 of us pretty much occupied the centre row and as there were no one infront of us, skati ktorg je beckp2, saying this n that ones r cute, n stuffs.. =p and yg cm lwk gak, like half and centre of our row uttered shotod! shotod! [[its a word one of us created just to express aggravation, annoyance, etc.. =p]] together when the wind blew thru bella right in front of the bad guy! *lol*

i ws pretty much stuffed with popcorn by the time the movie ended.. and after melompat2 n exclaiming what an osm movie it ws, we made our way to the surau n lavatories [[me breaking my bracelet in the process]]... then, after a loooong time at the food court having lunch, we headed to the bowling place... i started off bad but caught up towards the end.. i had to leave early so idunno who won.. i know its not me tho! =p bowling's fun!

i wanna post some pics but i dont have them yet... :) thanx everyone for the superb meronggeng time yesterday! luv u guys from the bottom of my heart =p

so i left early cus i had a suprise birthday party for ummi...sorta... =p its not really a party see, just giving a cake me kakak and nadiah bought =) yum! happy birthday ummi!! may Allah bless the years that had past and bless you even more for many more years ahead!!

today i went hunting for a kain hitam for the undesirabled BTN...and my hunt has brought me to three places!
1.tesco with ummi- bought baju kurung putih 2 helai.. kain cam x sronok tp mahal!
2.jusco with kakak n nadiah - no kain hitam either! but i bought a dress? a handphone casing [[the very same i had early ths year]], and a tali handphone as well..
3.pkns - finally lots of kain hitam!! so i bought one of that, a tudung hitam, and a black slack..

yup..everything i bought today is all black! except the handphone stuffs tho.. super tired! i found this out a few months ago, but im alarmingly beginning too like shopping!

ok.. i think imma stop now.. ive got a headache since i start typing this update so pls excuse all the errors in this post, thank you! plus, abah already switched off the lites... n i dont wanna ruin my [[alhamdulillah]] healthy eyes.. =D

wassalam..bye!

p/s: BTN's in 2 days! im not ready yet! *_*

empty!

2008-11-25T20:19:00.005+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~!

hyu~ hyuu~
gilak! terrible sangat! susah bapok! bengos gile! x boleh tahan!
those are the words fit for how we feel and how our final exam is.... peh..
yes people, this is the worst exam ive ever sat..ever!! and the fact that im feeling pretty ok about it kinda bugs me... mayb ive no feelings for it cos ive like foreseen myself failing everything... I KNOW THIS IS NOT SMART!

this is the picture people...
ely puts it as "aku pegi exam belapang dada! sbb xde mende dlm dia! org laen sme pegi ilmu penuh di dada!" hoho... that statement kinda can be applied on me as well.. so i ended up submitting my exam papers half answered...
rite..... i can see the horror on your faces at such stupidity... but pls believe me i did not do this on purpose!

even tho ive no feelings for it [[i shud be pulling my hairs out for not being able to do well in my exams]] my head's kinda spinning all the time... so many things to think abt and so many questions in need of an answer! will i really master everything in time for my A2? when will i start? am i able to study during this short 2 weeks of holidays? how much n how far am i left behind others? my english sucks and ielts is in february! [[seriously just nw ws the worst english paper ive ever answered! thats supposed to be the one and only thing im not bad at!]] gyabo!

not feeling anything is better than feeling stressed out rite? .....or no?? haha
but gosh i seriously dread the consequences of doing super badly in this exam... starting from my parents, teachers, datin, mara... @_@ tho ive already forewarned my parents, im stil scared...

ok.. stop all this exam talk and lets talk funner things!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

rite....no fun things to talk abt... life's the usual.. and exam week + fun is a syntax error! =p
oh... but sth a bit close to fun can happen during exam weeks if u have the rite props...
bag a few good+crazy friends, plus a comfy carpet, a few pillows and a couple of blankies, a garfield + ~~snoofy~~ odie comforter, a couple of japanese tables, tons of books, oodles of humour+bad jokes, and presto! a study-sleepover of ~~jongos~~ good friends! ^-^ ~~ba'yah~~ someone smp smangat sgt nk english test smp nk tarek selimut pon ckp "give it to me!" *rofl*

cant wait for meronggeng time!

wassalam.. ja ne!

p/s: miss the computer at home, sisters n bro at home, mom n dad at home, sleeping at home, wasting time at home...wanna go home... -__-

staja

2008-11-22T18:25:00.004+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~! ^-^

thats a word from ba'yah teshashol..hohoo.. its derived from the equation of

stadi+blaja=staja

lol! i think thats one of the excessive studyismia disease symptoms..
-prone to getting the tongue twisted e.g hech-shi-ell, orvital oberlap, shistem, staja...
cant get enough of studying huh?

hyuuh~ well, in my case, i certainly have had enough of studying lately.. studying to the point that i broke down, screaming and crying... im a mess! i definitely need to study tension management from ajan =p haha...

*burp~* hehheh.. ive just finished a bowl of ruski.. hoho... instant noodles for dinner? that's a portion of a student's life ma... i know i shud at least avoid consuming it near my exam week.. but then i dont have an appetite for anything nutritious.. =p alasans!

actually, i dont hv anything to update abt.. well, i hvnt gone home for at least 2 weeks now... *clap2* big achievement! also, i know it sounds like quitting, but im expecting at most a C for every subject, plus, i wont be surprised at all if i get an F or two... =p ok..i really sound like sh*t... but heck thats what im feeling these past few days! theres just so so so many things to read in just a short short short period of time! like trying to swallow a colossal stack of books! its madness!!! or at least, its creating madness!!

but at any rate, im still studying.... i know its totally not enough, but i wont stop... at least my knowledge is increasing even tho its surely gonna be in short supply, im gonna need evry bit of it that i can grasp...

*sigh* i hate this entry... cos it sounds uninteresting, dull, dreary, lackluster, wearisome, and uninspiring... hahahh...

k..better be penning off now..

wasslam..jya ne! ^-^

p/s: forgot to mention! ayu has a new blog! im gonna put her link on the side bar like now! =D

craziness

2008-11-15T19:57:00.004+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~

hyuuh~ i'll try to make this entry real short short... =)

this week, as ive set my heart to do so, i didnt go back home... n surprisingly, i didnt miss home that much this time.. i dunno.. mayb the threat of failing my finals is enough to block it all...
seriously, ive been focusing on my repeat papers ive pretty much abandoned my A2.. =p so im gonna try to revise as much of A2 as my brain can accommodate this whole weekend...

a few days back i studied to the point where my brain cant take it anymore till it sends impulses to parts of my body to vomit it out! so i let it out with singing at the top of my voice most of the day and althru the nite like some crazy maniac but still simultaneously doing chemistry past year papers! n im not alone in this boat okay! my dear housem8s werent any better.. yep, we practically made a concert of a few songs, crazy dances and all! gosh it was a laugh... i dunno abt those two, but the next day i woke up with a headache! so i slept a lot that day.. oh n screaming into the pillow till spit traces are quite apparent on them also quite helps in relieving the excessive studyismia disease.. ive only just got it u know...

oh n great news.. i wont b going back till the very last paper of my finals which would make it sth like 3 weeks i'll be stuck in this ever wonderful college of mine! *big fake grin* yeah 's no big deal.. *sobs*

n with this all exam tension going around, please people, remember to keep your heads cool... bcos by and large, all of our tempers are at its border line.. so just chill dudes... its not like throwing your tempers around could make ya feel better... it'll only make things worst cause u'll hurt those around you in the process... so, take a leaf out of my books and vent it all out by holding a private concert of your own =p or watch some movies... or jog it out perhaps...

thats all i think.. need to perform isya' n proceed with my mission... tackling the A2! pegh..
wassalam.. ja ne!

p/s: laughter is the best medicine, but it can make you crayzeh! [o_O]?

bring it on

2008-11-08T20:38:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san...

i dunno why its like my fingers automaticaly typed that title.. myb cos i just wtched that movie a few days back.. or "bringing on" as ely says it =p lol [[and i might just add a little comment abt it: i hate it..its like a total time waster! ok im not being fair.. its just not the type of movie i like.. ]] but i think i meant, come on life, give me what uve got and leave me alone!

life's been great... oh n my chem p2 last thursday was ok too... im not saying it went a breeze but it ws ok.. and my ok means i didnt leave any questions unanswered and i ws able to answer with 70% confidence... =p [[ok i know for some it sounds un-ok but im ok with that ok?! =p ]] oh yeah n we celebrated our freedom from p2 [[while seriously realising p1's not over yet]] by having a movie marathon...[[p.s.i.luv.u.bring.it.on.pride.n.prjudice]] it wsnt planned.. and we slept at 3.. fortunately our 8a.m class the next day was cancled [[a bit unusual for ms.suriani but i see it as a blessing.. XD ]] so we slumbered on till 9.. ......what? insufficient sleep is not good for the mind of students! =p

i kinda feel like writing some serious thinking n reflecting stuff but i just dont want to, for some reason... oh but i just hv to say this... last physics class, miss su was kinda motivating n inspiring us... she's a realy nice person with a big heart... n here's some of the things i think i ought to write here so that it'll be a reminder to me..

1. dont study when u have "the mood"...
2. keep pushing ur limit... it'll budge.. [[and i know this cause i've budged mine a bit..]]
3. everyone has a dark moment in their life.. dont let this b urs.. [[im wishing my darkest moment of my life is me repeating this chem paper. period.]]

its so hard not to envy people's life.. n as the saying goes.. the grass is greener on the other side... n who am i to judge that other ppls lives are better? they've issues too... and really, nothings really bad abt ur life bluegreen... you just feel that ur not in yours for the time being... yes, and im a bit afraid if i stay in it too long, i wont know how to get back into mine... but as long as u dont look down on urself, embrace your weakness and appreciate what u have, u'll get thru this ok..
haha im being freakish cos its like 2 people talking to each other so just ignore this paragraph please.. toooot~

after all, shakespere did quote that nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable..

seriously, next weekend, you are forbiden from going home bluegreen! uve that p1 to study for plus ur finals!

wassalam..bye!

p/s: sory its not really an update on things.... but i dont have any "things" to update abt anyway.. =p

what the heq?!

2008-11-01T20:36:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~!

i forgot to write last time, im super relieved reid didnt die!

haha well, ud b worried to cos he's like kinda cute n he's the one who always gets into a near death situation! but im glad it wsnt him.. pity that scottish officer had to die tho.. now hotch cant pretend he's with hailey nmor.. =p

haha... ok that wsnt really important but thats just me missing my home... yes, despite the fact that i went home every weekend, i really miss it... i miss bitting nabilah's chubby little cheeks and scolding all my sisters n brothers... =p

and just as i ws planning to spend the whole 3 weeks of our short final sem break trying to improve my english [[by watching loads of movies and seriously paying attention to sentence structure n blablablahs.. =p ]] for the coming ielts nxt sem , i ws sadly informed that we [[all the mara students here]] have to go to the super boring BTN on our 1st week of holidays!! dang~

there's goes my planned langkawi holiday wth my beloved family... well, langkawi wasnt a confirmed thing in the first place but i really wanna go!! n luqman's really smangat to organize it!

ok... i hvnt even bathed yet!! and its nine!! at im supposed to start finishing my homework pronto!! gyabo~

wassalam..bye!!

p/s: i miss home..............

keep.moving.forward

2008-10-31T18:26:00.005+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~!

well its not that long since last tym i updated on my ever simple life... nothing much to update abt but mayb some thots to throw in...

updates first!

im updating from ayu's lappy in KTT n yes, im still in KTT despite that its already friday nite.. [[usually id be in front of our computer at home at this time of the week...]] ive got to stay and finish my kinda huge pile of homeworks.. [[maths..no matter how hampered u feel of it, its really helping you..]] im so used to going back home each weekend, its kinda hard not to miss it.. but im trying to shove it out of my mind everytime i think of it... its not gonna always be easy to go back home this often when im in india.. huhu.. so im trying to get used to it.. dang~

last weekend i went back home..again... and mid saturday i had a dental appointment and had my braces tightened and springs put on.. yep.. u guessed right, it was mighty painful! it felt like the first time i had it on when i cant eat anything harder than a piece of bread! ok thats actually half true.. i only felt that way but i still manage to eat loads.. cz around 2 hours later i was already at yasmin's open house eating a plate of yummy nasik minyak kot and 3 cucok satey! hoho~ im really glad i did go to yasimn's open house and so was she cz i was her only friend that came! poor yasmin... i stayed quite a while and sat a table with yalin's friends also from ssaas..

and alhamdulillah, my jaunt wsnt that void.. i learned sth... i know ive known this, n practically everybody knows it.. but i take it as a little reminding tap on the shoulder... i learned from yasmin that, no matter how smart u are, or even if ur not that smart, u can still be at the top of the game if you really [[im really stressing it here]] really work hard.. yasmin's a smart girl plus she's and absolute hard worker.. i think that's her only recipe to getting 4 flat in her asasi sains UM which is why she's now a 1st year medic student also in UM which in my oppinion, is one of the best places to study medic in malaysia... anisa's also there cos she too got 4 flat from uitm's asasi sains... driving back home, i thot, im not that different from yasmin and anisa.. if they can score that great, why cant i?

why am i in this annoyingly troublesome tight sticky situation where im helplesly running a marathon with a cramped leg? people are running and is a lap ahead of me but im stil jogging bcz my legs are cramped.. the answers really simple bluegreen... what did you do when everyone's preparing themselves mentally and physically for the game? you played around.. you know its a big game but you still had your own way... u didnt warm up as much as others did.. and thats where it got you..

yes you are lagging behind others.. but it dosent mean you'll really lose.. keep jogging... heal your leg a bit and then u can start running... u can do it... what ever it is.. keep on the tracks and dont.stop.running! and dont stop trying! what ever it is, its ur choice.. its ur call... but getting cramps during a race is Allah's call.. but subhanallah He really knows whats good for you.. with this obstacle, uve pushed ur imaginary limit uve set upon urself... uve been working harder and studying harder.. it also makes u think and reflect and open up ur mind and be more optimistic... alhamdulillah... ^-^ [[this whole marathon thing is kinda figurative but i hope it helps even if you dont really know what im realating it to... :) ]]

another sth that ive been studying for quite sometime is.. how people evolve! we were just kids goofying abt cartoons [[or animes to be exact]] and suddenly we're college or university students... and there's a significant thing [[or person]] that influence this evolution thing which everybody calls : friend. ive read a phrase saying

a friend is like an elevator.. it can
take u up.. and it can also take u down...

and its true.. especially when ur in college.. its like being unleashed.. everyone's a bit lost but at the same time u love the new freedom.. and with whom u find ur way and enjoy the world with is significant.. frndstr tells me abt what my friends hv become and i pity some.. i believe they hv good in them and i pray that they'll find the right paths.. dunia is really tempting... and im not saying im good at resisting it.. but im trying.. and my friends around me are helping insyaAllah...

yikes! its nine!! it better be going.. loads of homeworks to catch up with!
wassalam.. ja ne!

p/s: this post is kinda serious... well.. everyone has moods no?

jst sth i got in ym.. dedicated to friends i dont see as much but really care abt... ^-^

Apakah anda tahu hubungan antara 2 biji mata anda? Mereka berkelip bersama, bergerak bersama, menangis bersama, melihat bersama dan tidur bersama malah menutup pandangan terakhir pun bersama, meskipun mereka tidak pernah melihat antara satu sama lain...kecuali melalui cermin...persahabatan seharusnya seperti itu...kehidupan akan kurang ceria tanpa sahabat..

my 1 ringgit dinner

2008-10-21T19:47:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna san!

ok.. i havent done this for a long time, but this is a timed entry! im fininshing this in 25 minutes!!

im at KTT in our comfy appartment updating on ayu's lappy.. and in 25 minutes im gonna start getting ready to go to the library n try desperately to finish all the evr beneficial [[but seriously burdening]] hmwrks our lectrrs gv us... its really hard since im repeating my AS chem... i ws gonna type out "serve's u rite! u shud've work harder" but nah... i know i did work hard last time.. but its just not enuff... its a lesson..a painful one at that..

my 1 ringgit dinner huh? yup..ajan told me to write tht... maggi...
maggi... yes i know is super unhealthy but i dunno... its been ages since i last ate it... plus i dunno whats wrong with my appetite lately.. i kinda dont wanna eat dinner... especially rice for dinner!

myb its bcus ive just recovered from a rly bad fever last weekend.. oh yeah it ws fun... at least my weekend isnt a waste... usually im just wasting my weekend with movies n blablabla but last weekend i ws recovering... thats a good way to spend ur weekend.. seriously... i can watch all the avatar cartoon i want without feeling guilty of not studying for my future n blablabla.. hoho cause studying when ur sick will deteriorate ur brain.. no kiddin, its a fact... go look it up somewhere. =p

i shudnt b going back a lot cause im wasting a lot of time... but for this weekend, i cant help it.. as much as i dont wanna go home [[yea rite~!]] i have to this weekend cos i have a dentist appoinment... and coincidently my ol classmate yasmin is having an open house ths saturday so yeay! i can go!! i hope i meet up with some ol frens!

just a bit abt a common scenario in malaysia.. and its especially overwhelming in colleges and universities..its like a plague in these places you know... its what we call "couple".... i dunno why but im strongly against any forms of it! and i know im not wrong in doing so... i know its human nature to have those kinds of feelings but think a head man! n most importantly, think of what ur relegion has to say abt all that... and think what Allah thinks of you doing the things He forbids! its His body and limbs and organs ur borrowing for heaven's sake! use it well people! ur seriously wasting ur time energy and money! i once read "cinta itu pekak dan buta" i think its kinda true cos we become deaf to the right calls, and blind to what is really right.. ur broadening the gap of love btwn u n God when u pour too much love for another being...

ok thats all.. i know its another crappy entry.. but im in hurry.. so just take whats good n leave the crap.. =p

wassalam..jya ne!

p/s: slps kesulitan, ada kesenangan... ganbatte kudasai bluegreen-chan! ^-^

i wanna be...me...

2008-10-16T21:59:00.003+08:00

bismillah n asalamualaikum minna-san~

im home! weird huh cos its only thursday... haha... an unfortunate thing (well, to those who'r still in sepang i guess) happened today.. a big ol pipe somewhere was damaged by some irresponsible people trying to dig up some sand? so ive heard... and the whole area of sepang +hulu langat i think, was cut off from water supplies from today till sunday most prolly... so some of my classmates (well my housem8s rly..) went to every lecturer for 2moro's class begging them to cancel their casses 2moro cos we're going home like pronto! haha so the events of me getting an sms saying "kls esok xde!" followed by a call "cpt balik! jom balik SKARANG!", here i am safely at home! haha... i pity my firends who live far away from home n hv no where to run to... cos its gonna be like majorly tough cos how r we supposed to bathe n urinate n excrete [ugh~!] n wudhu' and even eat? cos the cafe cant cook without water! seriously! huhu... i wish my fellow friends..all the best mates!

so yeah...being home dosent mean ur on holiday miss bluegreen! get to work! burn those fats! nah... burn those chemistry books! erk.. no thats not right either.. hm.. go burn your hair concentrating on your chemistry! yeah.. that.

last tuesday i sat the chem p3..again... and im not sure i did a better job than last time... yeah.. *huge sigh~* im seriously praying that i'll score P2 with flying n cartwheeling colours cos that'll definitely guarantee me an A...

im a bit worried of myself...you know.. my english is getting bad by the day! tell me im wrong please..honestly... and i dunno... sometimes i feel like.. damn! i wanna do this n that... but gyabo! i have no time! i havent played with pictures on photoshop for ages! im afraid i can never make another messy artwork... and i havent watch or read any bleach stuff for several years i think.. [ok i know thats bullshit but i do feel that way] or any other anime in that case! i think im losing myself? i wanna stay a kid like forever.. but thats when people holler "keep dreaming!" in your ear...

im sorry ive bored you for the last 10 minutes for all this crap.. im just feeling a bit stressed? i dunno.. i always see ppl updating their blogs, [look at how frequent im updating! its sad mate] doing cool stuffs, ladida dida~ but still manage to get great results and r safely overseas while im still struggling like so hard and even that isnt enough!

anyway, despite the small burning pressure im feeling in my guts, life's cool man... last week a bunch of us beraye rumah huda.. lol it was a long walk! but all the callories burnt were replenished by like three pinggans of yummy food!... yes i know.. i ate like a human! well huda's mom is a great cook u know... then we burnt a fragment of the calories walking again but not as far as we walked earlier.. it was a fun day with me suddenly ending up at home! hoho...

penning off..

The ultimate of being successful is the luxury of giving yourself the time
to do what you want to do..
-leontyne
price-

ja mata ne!
wassalam..

p/s: fasting the whole month of ramadhan + 6 days in syawal = fasting the whole year..
oh n happy birthday umar.. if u found this tho.. =p

wow..

2008-10-07T20:18:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~!

yes i know its almost a month! ramadhan came and gone and its now a week into syawal! huhu... seriously i dunno whats the problem but theres always sth preventing me to post one complete update! i always end up drafting an entry and attempt to post another entry weeks later! i hope this tym i really get to post this!

huhu... alhamdulillah i was given the chance to experience another month of blessings, rahmat and peace.. ive typed out my eventful ramadhan to post a few weeks ago but *sigh* i dont think i have the spirit to paste it in this post... mayb i'll just talk abt my eid... ^-^

alhamdulillah i get to experience a wonderful eid this year. tho i think its not as meriah as the previous eids ive had... and its a whole different kind of celebration we had this year! first we didnt celebrate it in ipoh like we used to.. instead we spent the first raya at wancho's new home in sec.4 opah atok n wancik included! and this year paksu's family isnt here to celebrate eid with us bcus theyre in the UK... nevertheless its still and eventful eid altogether.. the photo session always cracks the most laughs! especially when there's this 2 ppl almost colliding wth each other to get into the picture after putting the camera on timer and clicking it! LOL!

and this year our YB held an open house for her extended family and friends... and my gosh, i really felt i expanded a few centimeters that day cos all i did was eat eat and take pictures... fortunately i had to be the camera girl so maybe a few calories was burnt there... that day i thot of the song that goes like "hari2 begini, kita menjamu selera.." yeah...im kinda worried abt my health state rite now cos imagine how much cholesterol ive consumed just in that day! lemang and lamb curry..yes.. cholesterol rich food...

so here i am back in ktt.. and i guess ud prolly wonder why id have to wait till im back in ktt to finally update... haha..the answers dead simple.. ive been busy with dramas n movies! ahahaha...
not just that ofcourse... it raya seasons people! there's this whole spring cleaning going on for a few days b4 raye and after raye!

ok.. i really have to get going...benkyo benkyo!

wassalam..jya!

p/s: haha in the middle of typing out this entry ajan accidentally switch off the main plug and the battery's been removed earlier! i was like, "ajaaaaaan~!" there goes my entry..again! haha... thankfully its still there and i can finally post an entry! finally!!

i'm back..for what?!

2008-09-07T01:25:00.004+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san... ^-^

b4 i start on updates, i just wanna make a small complaint...

1. this keyboard feels kind of...pelik? haha.. i dunno.. i kinda feel that ive a wee bit difficulty in typing... i dunno whether its my fault or what but i seem to type slower n make mistakes more often than usual... well, spelling is not called mistakes in my case.. they're called natural talent.. haha... and dont start abt me writing succeeding words first... my room8 suspects ive a mild case of dyslexia cos smtms my sentences are a disordered jumble of words! isnt that embarrassing + silly? haih~ even with those, ive a lot to be thankful of..

2. now that ive moved to the laptop, the keyboards great! but the comp's running real slow! huhu... men never stop complaining..

well, here i am, back at home... actually i dont rly wanna go back home this weekend cause ive exams this monday till wednesday... plus ive humongous of homework and revissions to do! but the thin wire for my braces [[dunno what the heck its called actually]] dislocated 2 weeks ago.. so i had to in the end.. im not really complaining cause i get to buke puase at home..yeay!! and coincidentally, atok and opah were here too for opah's hosp. appntmnt.. buke puase rhame2..sronok~~ ufufufu~! ^-^ and just b4 going back home, my fren nisaq reminded me that this is our last ramadhan b4 going abroad! waa~~ somehow that made me feel like crying! well i know i will the minute b4 i enter the departing terminal or whatsoever it is... b4 this i only thot like, "this raya will be our last b4 we fly!" n not thinking abt puasa! sheesh... so definitely i must break fast with tkah once...

n tadik, we all went to iftar 2gthr at wan cho's new home! its really spacious... n really near now! me and k.aminah arrived [[i fetched kkk aft a scary drive alone + lost]] a few seconds b4 the others did! weehee~

oh n today, after my appointment at the dentist, i went to jannah's to meet her for one last time b4 she goes to jordan to further study in usuluddin.. it ws always great to see her... i pray her all the best where evr she is....

hahaha... so actually, i finally set up my blog properly! i just took the skin n pasted the boat pic + ths r my stories + broaden the entry column a bit + a few adjustments to fonts n stuffs... n it took me a few hours gak to do all those.. huhu... but i kinda like it once every thing's done.. especially the colour... yup..i know u'll all be thinking sth like "gee..this girls sure is stereotype" well, i cant help it... that's just who i am... that's how my mind works n prefers to work in... =p

i gotta get some sleep... or else i'll end up either buying everything unnecessary or not buying anything on my list when i go shopping tomorrow.... huhu...,

wassalam..jya na!

p/s: i still have more things to put on the side bar... but i dunno when i will... =p

Ramadhan

2008-09-01T20:14:00.004+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san~!

alhamdulillah.... ive been given another breath, another day, another chance to welcome ramadhan.. ramadhan is sure a month of peace.. especially in ibadah.. the peaceful feeling just makes you closer to Allah... although i hvnt reached the lvl of ppl always yearning for ramadhan, but i do feel happy once it comes...

on periods of unable to fast, it takes strength to remind myself its still a month of barakah and rahmah... respect it.. take full advantage of it... every little thing u do is an ibadah if ure niat is lillahi ta'ala...

so..in the midst studying and doing countless (really?) of past year papers and entertaining visitors (they bring rahmat rite?), remeber to dedicate everything to Him.... remeber that u dont know how little ur pahala is and how abundant ur sins are...

for now, ive done quite a lot of studying for my repeat paper... but from previous proceedings, im supposed to learn that that only is not enough.... consultations are yet to be done... that is where the holes are filled...questions are answered... and understanding comes to light...

sometimes Allah sends us failures so we can be humble...

huhu... so having said that, i'd better get back to studying... oh n i just wanna say i hate the look of my blog... the fonts are too small but i cant be bothered to alter it at the moment...

Happy Fasting in this peaceful and full of barakah month of Ramadhan!!
dont take it for granted and gather as much pahala as u can n train urself to hinder maksiah n sinful deeds...

wassalam..jya na!

p/s: apple note book (ely's) feels nice n the system's quite amazing.. but i do feel somewhat unskilled when using it.. even typing on this keyboard... i kept missing letters! haha...

awkward

2008-08-24T07:04:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna san~!

last week was supposed to b my mid-sem hols... but i had to sacrifice it! yep.....its bcos i had to repeat my as chem paper! i got a big fat C for it last time.. so im retaking the paper this october/november... and my goal is A... huhu~ and ppl kept asking me "why are u here?" "aren't u guys on holiday?" and along those lines kind... well...as the saying goes, the truth hurts! ahahah.. but in my case, the truth's embarrassing! im a 2 years program for God's sake! i should score 4 A's with the ample time i have! yeah...and i know where i ws wrong.. i wasted most of the time doing crap stuff.... ok so this time around im going to give 130% of effort on this paper.. (if that kind of percentage is possible.. is it? how can sth exceed 100%?...wtvr~) and what's unbelievable abt my previous results is (for chem) i got B D B for paper 1 , 2 , and 3 respectively... the paper with most exercise done on got the most rotten grade and the paper i only did half of what i did for paper 2 got better grades! and the paper i thot i messed up real badly and like deserved an UNGRADED somehow managed a B! haha.... so the conclusion is, i really have a lot to be thankful for cos my results are actually not that bad with only that much effort put on... and the terrible grade for paper 2 this time is a sign that i should do more exercises supplemented by a lot of UNDERSTANDING! if i get A for chem this time, then my results would be 3A's! yeay! but its like im taking a long way around to get there...

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. -Albert Einstein

ahaha...i know its a totally different case with Einstein... im just heartening myself =p

yesterday i had my braces tighten up... its been a month since i had them on.. sometimes i feel like, "wow, i've braces?!" ahahah... its somewhat hard to believe.. hmm... well..im a major state of uncomfortableness (if that word exists..) since yesterday cos this time, the doc put sth which is kinda like a bridge near ly "lelangit" and i constantly have a feeling of vomiting when im trying to talk or swallow my saliva... ugh~! i know i'll get used to it in time... im already feeling ok with this thing after one night... sigh~ all for perfect teeth!

wassalam..
jya ne!

p/s: "Secret" thickens my envy to those who can play the piano!

periods

2008-08-05T00:05:00.003+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san....

periods ive gon thru since the last time i blogged my lyf...

.exertion. + .battle.
this happened around april till june... the latter particularly happend from may 15th till june 13th.. the pressure is unbelievable! and only that can make me struggle to my max cappacity..
the most notable experience : my sleep is rationed.. sleep more than 20 minutes and i'll explode resenting the time i shud have studied wasted on slumbering... this is where im wrong... Allah knows best and He is the best in arranging everything... so He must have known (better than i did of course) that i needed rest... so He let's me sleep a little longer... so my conclusion is.. dont be too hasty in resenting things... everything happens for a reason...

and then there's the battle... AS was sure tough... i dont know what to write abt it... nway the results will b out in a week...

.drowning.
i dont like talking abt this... lets just say i figuratively drowned for a whole 3 weeks..
but then..i was...

.swept a shore.
but still.. im lying on the beach...at the point where the waves hits the sand... and pulling the sand little by little into the sea... and im lying on the sand...
voices are calling out to me... i shud be thankful there are "people" on the beach... but in the end.. its all up to me... i know i have to get up... but where do i get the strength? or do i need a jolt of some kind? i dont like the sound of that.. cause ive been thru it once and it was unpleasant... i must get up n get going... the cliff is my destination...

.busy butterfly.
i dont like bees.. and butterfly is like the most agreeable insect in my oppinion.. (if butterflies r considered an insect that is.. ) there seems to be so much to do! and there comes a time where i have to juggle my homeworks and revissions and badar stuffs... oh n speaking abt that... i had plenty of fun preparing for the israk mikraj despite the humongous work load... and this mini karnival kesenian islam we held was also quite interesting... we had a quiz, lailatul wardah (flower's nite), and ceramah as well as the closing ceremony... huhu...

.present.
how a students life shud be... benkyo benkyo!!

wassalam..ja ne! ^-^

p/s: im getting tired so my brains working really slowly... i wanna write more abt stuffs but just cant... ignore spelling error as best as you can.. i hvnt blogged for more than 3 months i think.. so im still on warm up...

osaishiburi~

2008-08-04T17:23:00.002+08:00

bismillah and assalamualaikum minna-san....

huhu... osaishiburi blog-uh! hoho~ yup..
looking at this will trigger a lot of questions... from its contents to its apparel.. so let me do you a favor and explain myself...

1. yes i hvnt been using or updating this blog for a few years cos ive been using my blogdrive account... n since ive shut that down, ive decided to update here...

2. yes the templates quite nice and its definately my colour.. but its not me... so this'll be temporary... and ignore the side bar... i dont hv time to fill those in for the time being... n besides.. whats the point in doing that when im going to change the whole template.. darou?

3. i dont know when i'll finally do those things (updating and refurbishing this blog). ive been n will be busy till next 2 weeks.. then i have a 1 week (only) mid-sem break... n that's no guarantee i'll make time for these things... i already have a few things on my mind to do.. huhuhaha...

4. i really wanna update this blog on what ive done since i last updated a blog... really i do...

mayb i will.. in this next post..

so till now.. ja ne!

wassalam..bye! ^-^

p/s: yes.. i still like to put post scripts... hehee~

my blog

2007-04-23T22:34:00.000+08:00

erm.. im updating at bluegreen[dot]blogdrive[dot]com
for now
when im bored with blogdrive
then i'll use this blog
ok
bbye

skowlah 2day

2005-01-10T18:43:00.000+08:00

hari ni start blaja....

my first blog!!

2005-01-05T17:53:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum,
dis is my first blog!! skarang baru tahap studying lg.... so wish me luck!! :D
oke..wassalam ;)
bye!!